A dysfunctional family means a dysfunctional child. Characteristics of a dysfunctional family as a factor in the development of a child. Dysfunctional children

It makes your soul feel so good when, even just for a moment, you see a happy, friendly family. The atmosphere of warmth, love and goodwill that reigns in their home sparkles and is transmitted like rays of the sun and is felt over a distance. After all, family is love, care, your happiness lies in the joy and happiness of another person; where the husband and father are a reliable support and role model, and the wife and mother are the keeper of the hearth, where the main thing is to take care of their children, their health and well-being. It is in a friendly, loving family that happy, self-confident children grow up: value orientations are instilled in the family and children learn respect, responsibility, compassion and sincerity. Such strong families, loving parents - role models delight me, fill life with meaning and envelop me with my happiest memories of childhood.

But to my great regret, you see such families less and less often. The crisis state of modern society, socio-economic crisis, falling living standards, changes in value orientations, manners, morality, etc. - all this causes many problems in families and family education of children.

Problems of family education can become global problems of the entire society, due to the increase in the phenomenon of dysfunctional families. A dysfunctional family is a family in which the structure is disrupted, basic family functions are devalued or ignored, and there are obvious or hidden defects in upbringing, resulting in the appearance of “difficult children.” V.M. studied the problems of dysfunctional families. Tseluiko, A.Ya. Varga, M.I. Buyanova, I.F. Dementieva and others. Researchers have studied the relationship between parents and children and the impact on their development; studied the problems of raising a child in dysfunctional families.

Constant quarrels, fights, despotism, alcoholism and many other factors have a bad effect on the health, development of the child and the formation of his personality.

In dysfunctional families, there is a violation of the behavior of children: aggressiveness, hooliganism, vagrancy, extortion, theft, inadequate reaction to comments from adults, immoral forms of behavior, low academic performance, evasion from school, lack of personal hygiene skills, boredom, neurasthenia, mental imbalance, anxiety, illness , teenage alcoholism. There are communication disorders: aggressiveness with peers, conflict, profanity, disruption of social ties with relatives.

Taking into account the dominant factors that have a negative impact on the development of a child’s personality, types of dysfunctional families are divided into two groups.

The first group consists of families with an obvious (open) form of disadvantage - the so-called conflict, problem families, asocial, immoral - criminal families and families with a lack of educational resources (in particular, single-parent families). This group includes families of alcoholics and families with impaired child-parent relationships. In them, the influence on children is desocialized and manifested not directly through patterns of immoral behavior of parents, as happens in “alcoholic” families, but indirectly, as a result of chronic complicated, actually unhealthy relationships between spouses, which are characterized by a lack of mutual understanding and mutual respect, an increase in emotional alienation and the predominance of conflict. interactions.

The second group is represented by outwardly respectable families, whose lifestyle does not cause concern or criticism from the public. However, the values ​​and behavior of parents sharply diverge from universal moral values, which cannot but affect the moral character of children raised in such families. A distinctive feature of these families is that the relationships between their members at the external, social level make a favorable impression, and the consequences of improper upbringing are invisible at first glance, which sometimes misleads others, however, they have a destructive impact on the personal development of children. For example, these are families focused only on the child’s success. Parents instill in their children a desire for achievement, which is often accompanied by an excessive fear of failure. The child feels that all his positive connections with his parents depend on his successes, and is afraid that he will be loved only as long as he does everything well. This attitude does not even require special formulations: it is so clearly expressed through everyday actions that the child is constantly in a state of heightened emotional stress only because of the anticipation of the question of how his school (sports, music, etc.) affairs are going. He is sure in advance that “fair” reproaches, edifications, and even more serious punishments await him if he fails to achieve the expected success.

The listed forms do not exhaust the types of family dysfunction.

In addition, family well-being is a relative phenomenon and may be temporary. Often a completely prosperous family moves into the category of either openly or hidden dysfunctional families. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly carry out work to prevent family dysfunction.

The wrong choice of forms, methods and means of pedagogical influence, education style, as a rule, leads to the development of unhealthy ideas, habits and needs in children, which put them in abnormal relationships with society.

Analysis of psychological and pedagogical literature allows teachers to identify families at risk:

But the presence of one or another social risk factor does not necessarily mean the occurrence of social deviations in the behavior of children; it only indicates a high degree of probability of these deviations.

If the teacher is convinced that the child is living in difficult conditions, it is necessary to: carry out explanatory work with parents, explain that conflict situation the child suffers. If parents continue to create an unfavorable environment for their children that traumatizes their psyche, then the children must be removed from the family and placed in social institutions ( rehabilitation center, boarding school). If in the background family conflicts Children have already developed mental disorders, then it is necessary to consult a child psychiatrist and require qualified assistance from specialists such as a psychologist, teacher, social worker. Dysfunctional families need support from various specialists, and this requires the development of new social programs, the purpose of which is to prevent social orphanhood, vagrancy, and homelessness.

Medical observation of children from socially disadvantaged families requires an assessment of the nature of chronic pathology and the degree of so-called “social failure”.

The issue of the health of children raised in orphanages has been poorly studied to date. This problem is very relevant, since the number of orphans and children left without parental care continues to grow. In addition, the relevance of social protection and health care for children from sociopathic families is sharply increasing. The term “sociopathic family” refers to a family in which one or both parents suffer from alcoholism, are in prison, or have other features of an antisocial lifestyle.

Health authorities and institutions require great attention to the issues of proper organization of work in children's homes. The country has developed a certain system that ensures the targeted development and upbringing of children in orphanages. Many major healthcare organizers, pediatric scientists, pre-school pedagogy specialists, and orphanage workers made a great contribution to this matter.

Currently, children with mental and physical development disorders are often sent to orphanages. Many orphanages have been completely repurposed to serve children with organic lesions of the central nervous system. Taking into account the great capabilities of specialized institutions, many children's homes organize groups for children with borderline conditions, who have minimal mental retardation, and who are especially in need of individual care and therapeutic and pedagogical correction. The results of the activities of such groups are the most favorable - many children, after appropriate treatment, are transferred to regular preschool institutions and then successfully study in secondary schools.

According to the State Report “On the Situation of Children in the Russian Federation,” in 1996, for the first time since 1992, the number of identified orphans and children left without parental care did not increase - 113,243 (compared to 113,296 in 1995).

The best way out is to place children belonging to this category in new families. Adoption and guardianship (trusteeship) remain common forms of family placement for orphans and children left without parental care. One of the new forms of placing a child without parental care into a family is a foster family. However, this institution of placing children in families to raise them is not yet widespread. Approved by Government Decree Russian Federation The “Regulations on the Adoptive Family” have largely resolved previously existing problems: the status of the child after he reaches the age of majority, the civil legal relations of the adoptive parents with the child, the rights and responsibilities of the child’s adoptive parents are determined. In 1996, 333 such families raised 2.4 thousand children (including natural children).

According to the commissions for minors under the executive authorities of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation, in 1996 there were 184 thousand disadvantaged families, in which 348 thousand children lived, registered. Neglect of children is the first step towards homelessness, social maladaptation, disruption of the normal process of physical development and socialization of the child.

In 1996, more than 100 thousand children received social, legal, medical assistance and rehabilitation in specialized institutions for minors (Table 1).

Table 1. Orphans and children left without parental care in the Russian Federation* (at the beginning of 1997)

Number of children
Orphans and children left without parental care counted	572,4
Are under guardianship	278,1
Adopted	141,1
Brought up in boarding schools	153,2
Including:
in children's homes	11,5**
in orphanages	56,7
in boarding schools for orphans	25,3
in general boarding schools	6,3
in boarding schools for children with mental or physical disabilities	37,3
in boarding homes	16,1
In addition, they are in family orphanages***	2,4
* Data from the Ministry of General and vocational education Russian Federation ** Data from the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation *** In family orphanages there are not only orphans, but also children of parent-educators; these children are not taken into account in the overall indicator

The organization of medical care for children living in socially unfavorable conditions requires an expert assessment of the nature and degree of their social impairment. The presence in the family of disabled people, chronically ill or elderly people who also need care; alcoholics, drug addicts, persons with antisocial manifestations, especially if we are talking about one or both parents - all this is evidence of the pronounced social insufficiency of such a family.

An extreme manifestation of the social insufficiency of the family should be recognized as raising a child by one mother, who is forced to work, paying minimal attention to caring for the child.

It is necessary to keep in mind the adaptability of the home where the child lives to the implementation of medical and rehabilitation measures, and the mother’s ability to adequately follow the recommendations received.

Preventive measures to preserve children's health should begin with supporting families, especially if their standard of living is below the subsistence level. In this regard, much more is being done in European countries than in the United States.

Children living in unfavorable conditions are usually developmentally delayed, do poorly in school, and are prone to behavioral disorders and antisocial behavior.

Practitioners are aware that at the primary care level there may be errors in the recognition of mental retardation and even iatrogenicity. A highly qualified doctor and knowledge of childhood psychology are required.

The admission of children left without parental care to a hospital, rather than to an orphanage, is associated with the following organizational shortcomings: imperfection of the document processing system, as well as the procedure for sending and placing children in orphanages.

Children's stay in hospitals has bad influence on body weight indicators (the number of children discharged from hospitals with underweight increased 1.6 times), the level of neuropsychic development (among children admitted to orphanages from hospitals, there were twice as many developmental delays as among those sent from the maternity hospital), morbidity (during their stay in the hospital, every third child suffered three or more cases of acute respiratory infections), blood hemoglobin indicators - the number of children with a reduced hemoglobin level when admitted to the orphanage from hospitals was twice as large as when admitted from maternity hospital. The new organizational model for sending and placing children in orphanages, the implementation of which is planned to be put into practice, will reduce the duration of registration of children in the institution by 1.5 - 2 times, and ultimately improve the initial health indicators of children entering the orphanage.

It was found that 67.2% of children entered orphanages before one year of age, 22.5% of children in the second year of life and 10.3% of children in the third year of life. Among the children admitted in the first year of life, half of the children were placed in an orphanage temporarily.

When children enter an orphanage, more than half of the children show an unfavorable course of adaptation, the clinical and functional characteristics of which are more negative than with a similar option in children kindergarten, changes in all studied levels. This indicates very low functional reserves of many children in the orphanage, which determines the persistence of the emerging maladaptive changes in health and development.

By the age of three to seven years, almost all children in an orphanage exhibit delayed neuropsychic development. Despite the preserved potential intellectual capabilities, preparation for school does not lead to the correction of lagging functions, but only allows for the formation of social and everyday skills.

Children in orphanages are characterized by a high incidence of various health disorders that increases with age. Noted high level spread of respiratory diseases - 1926.8%, nervous system and sensory organs - 1512.2%, and endocrine system, metabolic and immune disorders - 1268.3%. Most children are lagging behind in physical and neuropsychic development. 80.8% of children of the first year had a microsomatic type of physical development; 61.3% - in the second year and 68.8% - in the third year of life. Delays in neuropsychic development were noted in 82.1% of children of the first year; 87.6% - in the second and 88.7% - in the third years of life and, accordingly, only 5.2%, 3.3% and 2.3% of children in families. Profound delay in neuropsychic development was found in 70% of children in the third year of life.

A comprehensive assessment of health status showed that the majority of children in orphanages have health group II; the proportion of children with III-V health groups is significant (at one year - 24.8%, at two years - 27.2% and at three years - 19.9%; respectively, in families: 12.9%; 15. 4% and 15.8%).

Considering the low health indicators of children in orphanages, it is very important to analyze the quality of medical monitoring of them. Thus, it was found that 4% of children were irregularly observed by a pediatrician, 5% by specialized specialists, and 51% of children were not monitored for neuropsychic development in a timely manner.

The works of domestic and foreign authors show that a long stay in a large team, in the same conditions, limited contact with the outside world lead to serious consequences. Even with good nutrition and medical care, children growing up in conditions of deprivation are sharply behind their peers in their mental and physical development.

Also, the mental health indicators of children classified as medical and social risk groups are not very encouraging. For example, in boarding schools for orphans, where education is carried out according to the mass school program, about 41% of them exhibit some form of delayed intellectual development. In similar institutions for children with officially registered health problems, delayed intellectual development is observed in 60-70% of students. These are mainly mild and borderline variants of intellectual disability. In most cases, their cause is the action of a number of pathogenic factors (infections, intoxications, injuries, etc.) on the fetal central nervous system during pregnancy, childbirth and the first years of the child’s life. Such insufficiency in school age manifests itself in impaired cognitive activity, immaturity of the emotional-volitional sphere, weakening of attention, perception, memory, lag in the development of speech and fine motor skills, weakening of voluntary regulation of behavior.

The registered morbidity level for children from sociopathic families is noticeably lower than the real one. This can be indirectly judged by the data on complications of acute respiratory infections and the number of hospitalizations: every fourth complication was serious, and in the control group - only every seventh; the level of hospitalized morbidity in the main group (300.3%) was almost three times higher than that in the control group (107.5%).

A more objective description of the health status of the studied cohorts of children is provided by data from an in-depth examination by specialists (Table 2).

On behalf of WHO, a survey of institutions such as orphanages was carried out. Manifestations of hospitalism, expressed in a delay in both physical and mental development, and a deterioration in the child’s health, were observed everywhere. “Hospitalism is as cruel as food deprivation and beatings.” Consequently, the main task of all staff at the orphanage is to organize health-improving and educational work to ensure normal development for children.

Table 2. Prevalence of some chronic diseases and morphofunctional abnormalities (per 1000 children)

Class of diseases	Risk group				Control group
	Children Likov	Children Chennykh	Children Mothers Antisocial Behaviors	Group Generally
V. Mental illness	18,4	3,3	51,7	24,5	9,6
VI. Diseases of the nervous system and sensory organs	39,4	23,4	103,3	55,3	36,3
VII. Respiratory diseases	34,2	33,3	31,0	32,8	17,1
IX. Digestive diseases	34,2	23,3	34,5	30,7	12,9
XV. Perinatal pathology	15,7	13,3	44,8	24,6	7,8
Other classes	71,1	59,9	127,7	83,8	44,1
Total:	213,0	156,5	393,0	254,7	127,8

The system of health measures is effective only when certain conditions are created. The first of them is that the number of children should be less than in conventional preschool institutions. The second is the daily routine. As a rule, given the discrepancy between children’s health and developmental level age standards, the regimen is usually prescribed for a lower age, and is often purely individual. Third - hygiene measures in the room: sufficient lighting, frequent ventilation, noise reduction. The organization of the environment is important, that is, the correspondence of furniture, play aids, equipment to the age and level of development of children.

Another necessary condition is movement, which is ensured when a child stays in a group around the clock, not only through classes therapeutic exercises, massage, but also during music classes and exercises.

The most important thing is the attitude towards children. Children should be taken outside the territory of the orphanage and introduced to the world around them to the extent that children of this age raised in a family become familiar with it. They must understand that the place in which they live is not a hospital, it is their home, their family.

Every child develops better and is rehabilitated if he receives enough attention, understanding and affection from an adult. The main person who communicates with the child is the teacher (part-time nurse). Its activities are monitored not only when it comes to sanitary and hygienic care for children, but also from the standpoint of communication with them, the possibility of establishing individual contacts.

Health and educational work and the entire life of children are regulated by medical and pedagogical principles, the implementation of which is controlled by a doctor and a teacher.

The peculiarity of the work of a doctor and nurse with children from socially disadvantaged families and with those who are deprived of parents is that these categories of workers participate in all types of medical, methodological, organizational and educational work. The doctor not only treats sick children, but also controls the organization of preventive and health-improving work with children, all aspects of organizing life and raising children.

The teacher organizes the entire life of children, starting from the formation of groups, interior design of the group, selection of toys and ending with targeted actions aimed at stimulating the mental development of each child. He organizes the correct conduct of routine moments of play, independent activities of children, special activities with them, taking into account the individual characteristics and health status of children.

When monitoring the development and health status of children, an integrated approach and coordinated appointments of a pediatrician, teacher, speech therapist, neurologist, and in some cases other specialists are very important.

Thus, the study of the currently existing system of social and medical-organizational assistance to children left without parental care made it possible to identify a number of difficulties, which, firstly, are associated with the lengthy preparation of the child’s legal documents, and secondly, with the insufficient capacity of quarantine groups and isolation wards, which does not allow the child to be placed in a closed institution as quickly as possible.

The above-mentioned data on the health status of children and the factors influencing it and characterizing their lifestyle made it possible to develop a specific set of measures to improve the health of children in an orphanage. This complex includes the following treatment and preventive measures: organizational - repurposing the orphanage into a rehabilitation center, optimizing the regime, strict compliance with sanitary and hygienic requirements, prevention of adaptation syndrome, use of Eleutherococcus preparations, calcium pantothenate, ascorbic acid, multivitamins, biological preparations, hardening techniques in combination with massage and breathing exercises, physiotherapy - restoration of the normal biocenosis of the nasopharynx and intestines with the help fermented milk products therapeutic nutrition and products enriched with natural protective factors. Due to the reduction in morbidity and the possibility of carrying out the pedagogical process more fully, the level of neuropsychic development of children increases.

Thus, the current system of social and medical organization of assistance to children left without parental care has an adverse effect on their health indicators. This justifies the need to search for adequate means, including medicinal and non-medicinal, and to continue to develop measures aimed at optimizing medical and organizational care for children from socially disadvantaged families.

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Children from such families usually have common character traits:

• they come to the conclusion that remaining oneself, that is, being sincere, is by no means safe, and therefore they try to put on a mask;
• they do not respect or value themselves;
• not believing in own strength, they begin to look for someone who could solve their problems for them, or they try to subjugate others;
• often they believe that they must satisfy the needs of their parents;
• they can learn to take advantage of the chaotic atmosphere in the home, family dramas and crises, and create similar situations in your subsequent life;
• they experience delays emotional development;
• they often experience a feeling of fear and self-doubt;
• having been tortured in childhood, they themselves can subsequently torture themselves and/or other people;
• they have the whole spectrum of negative emotions: fear, shame, awareness of their uselessness, anger, irritation, a feeling of mistrust and disrespect for others, a feeling of actual worthlessness and helplessness, a feeling of loneliness; at the same time, they do not know what to do with these feelings;
• Children raised in such families are to some extent damaged in their ability to feel other people and build their relationships with them.

Widespread survivor's guilt . A person suffering from survivor's guilt often misses the good opportunities life provides him, and if he takes advantage of them, he finds some way to punish himself for it.

This feeling is typical of people who grew up in dysfunctional families and who cannot afford to be happier and more successful than their parents. The person himself may not be aware of this, but it is this unconscious guilt that can influence the entire subsequent life of a person.

Survivor guilt can manifest itself in a variety of symptoms:

• A person suffering from it may burn with envy of those who have more than him. Feeling envious, he identifies himself with his parents and brothers and sisters, who (he believes) are jealous of him.
• He may be tormented by a feeling of shame for being an unpleasant, ridiculous or perverted person.
• He can spoil his relationship with his wife so that it is no better than his parents' relationship with each other.
• If his parents were unable to enjoy their children, he may not allow himself to do so either.
• If one of his parents died early, he may fear dying at the same age; It is at this age that it can provoke an illness or crisis situation.
• If a sibling is unsuccessful in their career, they may feel depressed or anxious when they are successful in their own work.
• Survivor guilt can be both extremely intense and almost subtle.
• A child raised in an unhappy family may take unhappiness in life for granted. He may not realize that even after becoming independent and leaving his parents' home, he maintains a level of unhappiness that corresponds to the one to which he was accustomed in childhood. However, a person may gradually begin to notice that his condition worsens after his successes or after the failures of close friends or relatives.

Later, he may realize that he feels guilty towards his family members and considers his victories and successes to be dishonest to his family. For example, one person noticed that he developed nervous tics in response to pleasures that his parents could not afford.”

Character traits that create a tendency towards codependency
Many children from disadvantaged families begin to develop the following character traits:

1. The need to control the situation. They constantly monitor their behavior, feelings and thoughts, and monitor how they look. unpredictability and chaos real life forces them to be on alert all the time. Increased caution results in constant nervous tension, in which the body begins to produce stress hormones in huge quantities, even when the person is at rest. These hormones can cause physical exhaustion of the body.
2. Heightened sense of responsibility. Children begin to take everything personally. They come to believe that they are being treated as they deserve. Children who are abused begin to believe that they are getting it right. Words such as “You're driving me crazy!” addressed to them can lead them to begin to completely unjustifiably overestimate their capabilities and take responsibility for the emotions and actions of other people. Things may even get to the point where they begin to consider themselves responsible for everything that happens in their family. Feelings of confusion, guilt and shame will begin to grow by leaps and bounds.
3. Feeling of mistrust. If the people they love most in the world withdraw from them, children from dysfunctional families may come to believe that their parents—or those they depend on for their livelihood—cannot be trusted. When they are told to shut up, stop fantasizing, or stop crying, they stop trusting their feelings, their intuition, and themselves. As a result, they find themselves completely confused, and a wall grows between them and the outside world.
4. Hiding your feelings. Babies and young children are pure and spontaneous. When they are happy, their whole body shakes with joyful laughter, and if they cry, it seems that something irreparable has happened, and everyone understands their condition. However, many parents do not know what to do with their own feelings, so they have no idea how to relate to their children's experiences. As a result, they begin to lecture them, convincing them that expressing their feelings is not good. "Big boys don't cry!", " Good girls don't play pranks!" - we are probably accustomed to considering these teachings correct. Probably, we should give up part of our freedom for the sake of existing in society. But in fact, this is alien to our nature. Or parents manipulate the child’s feelings: “Kiss mommy, and everything will be okay!”, “Stop crying, otherwise I’ll give you this!” Children come to the conclusion that feelings need to be hidden, ignored, suppressed, denied, belittled, expelled.
5. Ignorance of the language of feelings. Families where it is dangerous to express their feelings, it is not customary to talk about their experiences or treat the expression of feelings with contempt, children are taught to only depict their experiences or simply remain silent about them. As they grow up, they may almost completely lose the ability to understand and identify what they are experiencing, to the point where they even lose the physiological sensations associated with the feeling. “Others report physical reactions: a rumbling stomach, clammy palms, spots on the neck, uncontrollable flushing of the face, etc. However, they lack the words to describe their feelings, as well as the ability to distinguish one feeling from another." .
6. Ignoring your needs. Parents with problems in the sphere of psychological relationships are unable to satisfy the basic emotional needs of their children. Therefore, children quickly begin to understand that it is not safe to have any needs, that for adults it is a burden. Children may feel guilty about needing something, and they will begin to pretend that it is not at all true, as if they do not need anything. Tired of constant disappointments, they will generally stop asking for, wanting, or needing anything.
7. Extremely low self-esteem. In a world where they are constantly deceived, and their needs are belittled or ignored, children find it difficult to trust anyone, understand what is happening and believe in themselves. As a result, they develop a feeling of inferiority. If this is your case, you probably still have a hard time realizing that you have every right to be treated well, to determine your own destiny, to be happy.
8. Difficulties in building close relationships. Relationships either fail at all or are built with people who have similar life stories. "IN in this case the two halves are unable to form a whole, and they begin to believe that their efforts are insufficient, that it is necessary to control the other person, change him, or that they themselves are not capable of intimacy, and therefore generally stop all attempts to establish relationships.”
9. Great irritability. This is a serious problem among adult children from dysfunctional families, including those whose parents or parents' parents were alcoholics. “In their stories, they insisted that they were prohibited from expressing their irritation, but at the same time, one or both parents expressed their anger regularly. Their children were able to restrain their irritation while living in a family with their parents, but began to show it, and inappropriately, in their independent adult life… The grandchildren of alcoholics have developed the ability to ignore minor problems until the “last straw,” which causes them to explode without reason or explanation, sometimes causing serious damage to their personal relationships or threatening their jobs. The irritation is expressed not for a specific minor reason, but for the reason that for many years he was a “victim” who was not allowed to show irritation, so as not to create problems in the house... Negative consequences Feelings of irritation can range from tense relationships at home and at work, stomach ulcers, to insulting children. They feel helpless, unable to get rid of this inner “fire” and need a safe outlet in which they can significantly “discharge” their anger accumulated in the past.”
10. Passivity and depression or depressive states. This state is both a continuation and an alternative to the state of irritability. Only in this case, all the anger is directed at oneself. Whether a person realizes this or not, in this case he prefers to take full responsibility for what is happening, even if as a result he plunges into depression, than to experience constant anxiety, fears, and the true causes of irritation that he does not understand. “I am insignificant, I am to blame for all the misfortunes. I’m not capable of anything” - these thoughts are a natural continuation of all the listed features.
11. Constantly feeling like a victim and a rescuer at the same time. There is nothing more destructive than rescue. It is the “rescuers” in family life They are raising helpless, irresponsible consumers (in the worst sense of the word). In society, rescuers create comfortable conditions for irresponsible and lazy people. “Rescuers” do someone else’s work, protect the offended, put parasites on their necks, guide the lost on the true path, etc. At the same time, they may believe that they are doing a good deed, fighting for justice, and protecting the emotional well-being of people. But ask them: why are they doing this? Why do they need this? Surely you will receive an explosion of indignation, contempt, or a set of pompous phrases in response.

In fact, by performing all these “good deeds”, rescuers pursue a single goal, often not realized - to stand “above”, manage, control, feel their importance. Solving other people's problems is an opportunity to realize the neurotic need for love and power at the same time. In fulfilling their need, “rescuers” do not notice that at the same time they deprive a person of faith in their own abilities, grossly trample people’s psychological boundaries, impose their system of values ​​on them, and make them dependent. “Rescuers” need the unfortunate and helpless, they need victims, because without them it will be impossible to fulfill their need for power and control and the “deserved” expectation of gratitude, i.e. confirmation of its importance.

A person who has no passion for rescue, hearing a call for help, will come and “teach you how to fish.” The “rescuer” often rushes to help even when he is not asked, depriving a person of pride in victory. At the same time, he will give a ready-made “fish” every time, being too worried about the other to make it difficult to catch him.

"Rescuer"- this is a person who fills his life, his significance through the selfish use of the helplessness of others. At the same time, it seems to him that he lives for others, that he is an altruist. And this elevates him. The “rescuer” is always above the one being saved: he is stronger, wiser, more agile.
Once a woman “rescuer” was asked: “If those who surround you become independent, responsible, successful, happy, what will you do then? Who will you reconcile? Who should be pulled out of misfortune? It took her a long time to find an answer. Then they asked her: “How will you feel among successful people? She, after thinking, replied: “What will I do there? I will be bored".

The second role in the “rescue triangle” is victim. The one that needs to be “saved.” The victim is helpless, unhappy, and also irresponsible, and has absolutely no desire to become successful, and no matter how much they save him, he finds an opportunity to remain unhappy. Still would! After all, to become successful means to actively act to solve your problems, to take responsibility for mistakes and failures. And most importantly, then no one will think of regret.

This property of a victim underlies the fact that the “rescuer,” after fruitless attempts to “reason with the irresponsible ward,” begins to feel like a victim, and perceives the “ward” as a source of punishment and trouble, i.e. as a stalker. His irritation grows and, finally, his anger finds its way out: the “rescuer,” who has become a victim, begins to secretly or openly take revenge on the person being saved: he says offensive words to him, humiliates him, and subjects him to other punitive influences.

Now the “rescuer” has turned into pursuer. This is the third role in the rescue triangle. The punished person being rescued becomes even more unhappy than before, and “signals” this to the “rescuer” in every possible way. The “rescuer,” having had his fill of righteous anger, is again ready to return to his original role.

Running from one role angle to another, the “rescuer” is always above the person being saved, even during the period when he feels like a victim. After all, he is so noble, so altruistic. In addition, they give him the right to righteous anger. In fact, the “rescuer” is always filled with anger and an unconscious desire for destruction. He does not want to allow the person being saved to become truly successful, because then he will lose power over him, will lose the meaning of his existence.

So, let's summarize what has been said:

• The “rescuer” helps when not asked;
• feels guilty when he cannot help;
• gives the victim-client a chance to fail (if the victim becomes independent and successful, then there will be no one to save);
• mitigates the consequences of irresponsibility for the victim;
• takes all or most of the responsibility for the victim;
• often does the work for the victim.

The "persecutor" criticizes; accuses (“you are to blame for this”); acts unjustifiably cruel; filled with anger; uses psychological defenses instead of sincerity, as he always expects an attack.

“Victim” emits a “poor me, poor” attitude; always ashamed of something; feels helpless and powerless in solving their problems; always depressed by someone or something; needs a rescuer who will protect and serve.

This is the essence of rescue, which occurs quite often. It is on this principle that, over many years, relationships have been built between a wife and an alcoholic husband, a mother and an adult “unlucky” son, drinking parents and social assistance employees, etc. No matter how a person perceives himself - as a victim or as a rescuer, he is essentially a martyr, or a victim, and his dominant feeling, from which he constantly wants to isolate himself, is FEAR.

Ann W. Smith writes, “Fear of other people's reactions or behavior is the primary motive for behavior... Fear of disapproval, irritation, even anger, or abandonment is the basis of their behavior. People who are accustomed to conditional love focus their energy on “earning” this love and gaining approval by fulfilling the desires of others...

The fear of loneliness is the most powerful of all fears, holding the victim in abusive situations with the belief that she will not be able to “get out” without the offender... If, by luck, the victim does find a reasonable, healthy person capable of close relationships, she will do so a person is a hostage and can destroy relationships with unnecessary claims and anxiety.

Due to her low self-esteem, when something good happens in life, she simply does not believe that she deserved it. Jealousy can become an all-consuming emotion, and unfounded accusations and suspicions can force a partner to leave the victim. There is another option, when the victim, having experienced more than enough of all sorts of troubles in this area, decides that the experiences are too painful and it is better to be alone, even forever...

Victims learn to suppress their emotional pain. They don't respond enough to things that shock and terrify many of us. They live from crisis to crisis, but are not able to assess the seriousness of what is happening. When the victim at some point realizes reality, she is faced with the need to take some action, make a decision, and sometimes completely break the relationship. However, fear is paralyzing, and she quickly finds a way to “rationalize” the insults... Victims do not seek to discuss the problem openly and refuse to deal with it within themselves... Victims seem to go in circles in their lives, playing the same record, encountering the same problems or similar problems that we are not able to solve.”

Another feeling that fills the victim is a FEELING OF GUILT, from which they can defend themselves with ANGER at others, or by trying to blame them for various misfortunes. But deep down in their hearts they are convinced that it is all their fault. The logic of this feeling is not clear to them, it is repressed, because its essence remains mercilessly painful to understand: “I am guilty, because in fact I can control everything, everything depends on me. And in this sense I am omnipotent. But, in an extraordinary way, I am at the same time a complete nonentity, and therefore, of course, I do everything badly, and I am a complete loser. And that's why everything happens through my fault. And that means that I still mean something.”

This pendulum of attitude towards oneself - from omnipotence and arrogance to complete self-abasement, from the position of a victim to the position of a persecutor and a powerful savior - is actually a manifestation of narcissism and indicates the immaturity of a person who simply did not have the opportunity to become mature in the conditions in which he developed .

Author of the article: Emelyanova Elena Vladimirovna, consulting psychologist, trainer, supervisor, nominee of the National psychological competition “Golden Psyche” based on the results of 2009, author of the books “Crisis in codependent relationships. Principles and algorithms of counseling”, “Women in trouble. Program for working with victims of domestic violence “The Dignity of Love”, “How to communicate with a drunk husband. Practical advice women”, “Triangles of suffering”, “Say goodbye to depression!”, “Psychological problems modern teenagers and their solution in training”, etc., presenter of the webinar “Interpersonal conflicts and the possibilities of their resolution”, program distance learning « Psychological help women victims of domestic violence"

Literature:

Smith Ann W. Grandchildren of Alcoholics. Problems of interdependence in the family. M., 1991.

Weiss D. How psychotherapy works. M., 1998.

Today, such a phenomenon of our reality as a socially disadvantaged family has become a very common phenomenon. Whatever the factors that determine family dysfunction, it negatively affects the child’s development to one degree or another. The overwhelming majority of problems that arise in children during the process of socialization have their roots precisely in family dysfunction.

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State institution of social services for the population of the Tula region "Social rehabilitation center for minors of the Belevsky district"

Speech at a parent meeting.

Subject:

« A dysfunctional family is the source of a child’s problems».

Prepared by an educational psychologist

Knyazeva Oksana Viktorovna

Belev 2014

Target:

• Formation effective conditions development of minors in the family, through the prevention of destructive parent-child relationships.

Tasks:

• Show the significance of the family’s influence on the psychological development of the child
• Formation of a responsible attitude towards education in parents.

Today, such a phenomenon of our reality as a socially disadvantaged family has become a very common phenomenon. Whatever the factors that determine family dysfunction, it negatively affects the child’s development to one degree or another. The overwhelming majority of problems that arise in children during the process of socialization have their roots precisely in family dysfunction. In such a family, the main function of the family - educational - fades into the background or disappears completely. Children are moving to one of the last places in the value system of their parents. Violation of family relationships and deviations in upbringing lead to the emergence and development of deviations in the psyche of children. Family troubles give rise to a lot of problems in children’s behavior, their development, lifestyle, leads to a violation of value orientations, leads to mental trauma in children, aggressiveness, imbalance in communication, an increase in the number of offenders, and pedagogical neglect.

The concept of "dysfunctional family" does not have a clear definition in the scientific literature. Synonyms are used this concept: destructive family, dysfunctional family, risk family, inharmonious family

Family dysfunction is diverse. This is not only quarrels, mutual misunderstanding, parents' drunkenness, etc. This is also a lack of parental love for the child, the reasons for which can be not only the listed factors, but also much more. At different stages of a child’s life, some or other factors may play an unfavorable role; their specific weight is different. The problem of the quality and quantity of parental love necessary for the harmonious development of a child goes beyond the purely childhood age; it is of great social importance. Extremes of parental love can have unpredictable negative consequences for the child.

The child’s psyche, his mental makeup, perception and attitude towards the world around him, other people and himself are formed from early childhood in the parental family under the influence of the atmosphere that reigns in his home. The emotional mood that dominates the relationship between spouses has great importance. Sometimes parents are completely unaware that their inability to resolve their own problems places a heavy burden on their children’s shoulders, leading to the appearance of pockets of pathological experiences in their psyche. The strength and depth of the reaction depend on age, experience previously gained in the family and in life, on character, temperament, education and sensitivity. It should be remembered that the fragile psyche of children, adolescents and even young men is susceptible to stress.

A child from a dysfunctional family reveals himself by his appearance, clothes, manner of communication, a set of obscene expressions, mental imbalance, which is expressed in inadequate reactions, isolation, aggressiveness, embitterment, lack of interest in any type of learning, etc. The child's behavior and appearance not only talk about his problems, but also cry for help. But instead of helping, the child’s environment often reacts to him with rejection, severance of relationships, suppression or oppression. The child faces misunderstanding from others, rejection, and ultimately finds himself in even greater isolation. The child experiences a feeling of insecurity, instability, leading to pathological fear, constant voltage, severe nightmares, withdrawal into oneself, inability to communicate with peers. There is a need to hide one’s strong emotions - a prohibition in the family to express one’s feelings, which is typical of children’s spontaneity, mental traumatization of children, increasing alienation, hostility towards quarreling parents.

Studying the characteristics of children raised in dysfunctional families, it was revealed that these children often have a feeling of uselessness, a hopeless longing for best life in family. Prolonged exhaustion of the nervous system leads to profound neuropsychic fatigue. Therefore, these children are distinguished by noticeable passivity and indifference to their surroundings. Often, protest against the hopeless situation in the family manifests itself in the desire for leadership in children's team. But due to their low level of intellectual development, they assert themselves among their peers and strive to attract the attention of adults by committing unseemly acts. Children from such families not only have constant difficulties in learning and behavior, but are also often in a state of horror and grief, susceptible to depression, may behave inappropriately, have low self-esteem, sleep disturbances, and nightmares.

How smaller child, the more difficult the development situation becomes for him in a dysfunctional family, where there are constant quarrels between parents, disagreement with other family members, physical aggression, as this contributes to the emergence of a feeling of insecurity and defenselessness. In families where a tense, depressing and anxious environment prevails, the normal development of children’s feelings is disrupted; they do not experience a feeling of self-love, and therefore, they themselves do not have the opportunity to express it.

A very important component of self-awareness is self-esteem, which expresses the attitude of approval or disapproval of one’s abilities, actions, educational and other activities. In children from dysfunctional families, self-esteem is usually low, which indicates an attitude towards oneself, an underestimation of one’s intellectual and physical potential, leading to discomfort and disharmony, psychological closeness and unsociability. The authority of adults decreases, which entails the inability to make certain demands on the child, which leads to the emergence of relationships that make the upbringing process uncontrollable. The consequence of this is frequent violations of moral and legal norms on the part of the child.

And if we compare the physical and mental development of children raised in such families, they are noticeably different from the development of peers growing up in favorable families. They have a slow pace of mental development, a number of negative features: a low level of intellectual development, poor emotional sphere and imagination, and late formation of self-regulation skills and correct behavior. The behavior of these children is characterized by irritability, outbursts of anger, aggression, exaggerated reactions to events and relationships, touchiness, provoking conflicts with peers, and inability to communicate with them.

In families where the child experiences stressful situations from which it is difficult for him to extricate himself, they negatively affect the normal functioning of the entire body. They are caused by many reasons - the loss of a loved one, divorce and remarriage of parents, chronic diseases, prolonged mental threat, sexual violence and its consequences, fights, scandals, etc. The power of a child's experience stressful situations depends on how these events and circumstances are perceived and interpreted by him. Experiences of stressful situations leave a significant mark on the child’s psyche, and the smaller it is, the stronger the consequences of the experiences can be.

The psychological situation for the development of a child deprived of parental love, rejected own parents suffering insults, bullying, violence, beatings, hunger and cold, lack of clothing, warm housing, etc. In such situations, a child tries to change his state of mind (pulls out hair, bites his nails, fusses, “wound licking effect,” is afraid of the dark, he may have nightmares, he hates the people who surround him, he behaves aggressively). If a child is burdened by the circumstances of life, the relationships of his parents, then he notices the hostility of life, even if he does not talk about it. A child whose parents occupy a low social position, do not work, beg, steal, drink, or live in unsanitary conditions receives strong impressions. In this way, children from dysfunctional families grow up in fear of life; they differ from others, first of all, in hostility, aggressiveness, and lack of self-confidence. Children who grew up in such conditions retain low self-esteem throughout their lives; they do not believe in themselves and their capabilities.

Reflection of the meeting.

Share parents' opinions on what they heard during the meeting.

Material problems. They may be associated with the unemployment of one or both parents, with their low wages, inability to plan and spend the family budget, drunkenness, etc. Already from preschool age, a child notices the difference in the material wealth of his family and his wealthy peers who have beautiful toys, delicious treats, computer games etc. Envy arises in him, the desire to be rich, to have everything. Hence, children’s theft, aggression, etc.

Lack of time, including for joint activities and communication with the child. The mother is constantly busy with work, household chores, and herself; father - by making money, by his own problems. Such parents have practically no time for their children; he feels irritated, tired and withdraws and withdraws. This is especially noticeable if the mother is raising her son alone. This distance is constantly increasing, and when the child grows up, he tries to avoid his mother, the company of friends, leaves home, is rude, etc.

Single-parent family. This condition is very unfavorable for the child: hence the egoism due to the fact that the mother and other relatives, in order to compensate for the absence of the second parent, pamper, caress, and indulge his whims.

• isolation, withdrawal;
• aggression, cruelty, bitterness;
• disobedience, rudeness;
• tearfulness, congestion;
• stuttering;
• neurasthenic reactions: fears, tics;
• leaving home;
• suicide.

The following should be noted: in order for a child to feel well, many parents must change themselves. Teachers can help them:

• realize and identify for themselves the problems that exist in their family;
• take practical steps to eliminate these problems;
• if necessary, seek help from specialists: social teacher, educator, psychologist, psychiatrist and other specialists.

Work with dysfunctional families can be recorded in the form of a card index, where information about the family and child is noted, or in the “Dysfunctional Family Card”.

Work with a dysfunctional family must be carried out at three levels: preventive, diagnostic and rehabilitation (corrective).