How to fall in love with a person who loves you. Is it possible to force yourself to love a man? What are some ways to help nurture these deep feelings? His strong qualities
There is a saying: “You can’t force yourself to be nice.” It's true: you can't force yourself to love someone, that would be violence against yourself. Why should you force yourself to love someone who annoys you, someone you consider henpecked (that is, within yourself you do not respect your man)? Why aren't you willing to honestly admit that you don't love the man you live with? This would be useful both for you (you would stop tormenting yourself with the need to love him) and for him (now, apparently, your man is in an illusion about your true feelings for him). If you don't have warm feelings for him, it would be more honest to say so. You understand that “this man is ideal for life,” but your feelings tell you exactly the opposite (for you, life with this man is a complete irritation). Try to listen to your feelings and understand what really holds you back in a relationship where you cannot give your partner warmth and love and where you cannot experience this towards him? And why do you stay in a relationship with a person you don't love? Answering these questions may help you more than trying to love someone you don't really love.
Best regards, Daria Gulyaeva
How to love the guy I live with
Hello, Marina!I would like to ask a few more questions. Perhaps they will help you understand your condition. You are asking
How can I love him?
What will really change in your life if you fall in love? And what does “to fall in love” mean to you?
everything about him irritates me
Really everything? And what does he love? And helps around the house? And conflict-free? Maybe something else is annoying? If this is “other”, try to find it?
And even all positive actions I regard as the actions of a henpecked person.
That is, negative actions would not be regarded as henpecked? Perhaps he is trying very hard for you, and you regard this as henpecked behavior. Does he know what annoys you? Have you discussed this together? It is important. Knowing that you don’t like it, he most likely won’t do it.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking, well, if there was another, completely opposite to this, then it would be much worse.
What exactly would be worse?
Try to answer these questions, it will be clearer whether you should change your life, and if you change, what you want it to be like.
Sincerely, Olga Poznyak.
Greetings, dear girls! I quite often hear about the same female problem: he loves me, but I don’t. It's no secret that it often happens in relationships when one loves and the other allows himself to be loved. But to achieve harmony, mutual sympathy is needed. So today I want to talk about how to love a guy who loves you.
Love by order
Scientists have been trying for many years to answer questions such as: why do we fall in love; how we look for a suitable partner; what makes us ; how the process of falling in love occurs at the chemical level, and so on.
If you want to understand how women fall in love depending on their age, then I have a wonderful article for you: “How girls fall in love.” In it, I look at the various factors that affect women at different ages.
Is it possible to force yourself to love a person? Love is a very deep feeling that does not just appear by magic. You need to go towards this, work hard, work on relationships, achieve mutual understanding, and so on.
Falling in love is a completely different matter. Therefore, today I will not talk about passion and butterflies in the stomach, but about a deep and strong feeling that is undeniably always accompanied by and.
Let's take a closer look at ways that will help you fall in love with your boyfriend.
Don't compare with others
If you want to arouse feelings in yourself for this particular person, then under no circumstances should you compare him with other men. One of my clients constantly compares current young people and ex-boyfriends. Do you think she manages to live in the present and enjoy herself? No.
You need to discern a person's individuality.
- Understand what exactly he is good at,
- what he does better than others,
- how it differs and why you can love it.
- What qualities of him might attract you?
- Which ones are repulsive?
Ask yourself: why am I constantly comparing him to someone else? What does this comparison tell you? Regular thoughts on the topic that he is not worthy, not so good, and so on. When you stop comparing, you will simply see the person himself. And it will become much easier for you to warm up to him.
Find common
It doesn’t matter at all whether you are younger or he is older or vice versa. Surely you have something in common. Maybe you both love Silver Age literature? Or do you both take your breath away from extreme sports?
In order to find common interests, you need to communicate more. Learn from your partner. Talk not only to yourself, but also carefully monitor him. Do you know what he sincerely loves and what he is passionate about? Do you know the person well? Can you easily answer ten questions about him?
When you find a common interest, you will find it much more enjoyable to communicate. You will share joint successes, tell new things and share your impressions.
Be together more often
Banal advice, but working. When you spend a lot of time together, you get used to each other. And this helps you get to know the person even better.
Go to exhibitions, cinema, theater or just walk around the city. Find five places that you would like to visit and this month be sure to fulfill your old dreams.
You can find a hobby that you can do together. Clay modeling, dancing, learning a new language. Absolutely any activity will do. You can even just cook at home together.
Emphasis on "+"
Try not to pay attention to the disadvantages and shortcomings. After all, you are not Miss Perfect either. When you focus on the bad aspects of a person, the overall impression becomes negative. If you change the pole, you will be surprised how much your opinion can change.
You just have to start thinking more positively and paying attention to the advantages. Don't be afraid to give thanks. Find things for which you can thank the person. Surely he cares, pays attention, gives gifts or surprises.
If you think about it, we really rarely thank our loved ones, considering their behavior to be something ordinary. When you begin to focus on such little things, your inner feeling will change.
Make it a habit
You know this phrase: tell a person that he is a fool 25 times and by the 26th time he will say that he is a fool. This setup works for any statement. Therefore, if you think that you have already loved him, that he is your dearest, closest and dearest person, then over time it will become so.
Become not just a lover, but a girl in love. Instill habits in yourself and ladies. Demand attention, text and call him often, go on dates, kiss and hug more often, go to the last row of movies.
State of vulnerability
The teachings noticed that girls most often fall in love with young men when they are in a vulnerable position. What does it mean? When she has problems, an illness, she is more likely to fall in love with a guy whom she may not have even noticed before.
So, my friend was going through a serious crisis due to losing her job. She was extremely depressed and suddenly changed beyond recognition. When I asked what happened, the answer really shocked me: she fell in love with her neighbor, whom she had known for more than ten years, but had never paid attention to him.
What is the need
But before you try to fall in love with a person, think about why you need it. If the guy is really good, loves you immensely and you want to build a family with him, then, of course, it’s worth a try.
But if you want to fall in love with a young man, for example, in order to take revenge on your ex, or out of habit, or at the request of your parents, then think carefully. In the article “” I talk about the pros and cons of this situation.
Listen carefully to yours, believe me, it never fails. You just have to learn to correctly recognize its signals and signs.
What attracts you to this young man? What repels? How often do you spend time together? How does he show his love for you?
Listen to your heart and be happy!
The air smells of spring, the air smells of love. I would like to snuggle closer to my dearest and dearest. To him. How can you not want it? N? to whom? And don’t you feel anything in the air? Try it! Listen to the ringing drops and the contented chirping of birds, look at the sparkling streams and the joyful faces of passers-by! Still nothing? Did your heart not respond with tenderness? Do you think that feelings are inaccessible to you? Then you urgently need to be treated! This is what the site Beautiful and Successful will do today. Don't know how to fall in love with a guy? Ask us!
Unfortunately, now more and more often there are girls who believe that they are not capable of love. This could be due to upbringing, environment, the political situation in the country (I’m probably exaggerating here)... anything could be the reason! But that’s not the main thing, the main thing is that it can be fixed.
Why is this needed at all?
Why do people fall in love with each other? Wouldn't it be simpler without all these tendernesses and stupid attachments? Why make your life so difficult? All because when it’s not difficult, it’s simple, and when it’s simple, a person becomes bored with life. And this is so tiring!
In general, no matter how strange it may sound, a person falls in love in order to somehow diversify his life. And what can diversify your life more than introducing another person into it?
Have you ever noticed that alcoholics are most often lonely people? And all because they are trying to somehow fill their lives, make it varied. Out of boredom, they start drinking, taking drugs, and starting drunken brawls. It's better to fall in love, right?
But you shouldn’t rush headlong into the pool, so before you fall in love with a guy, you should know what you're signing up for. What is love? Some say it's a kinship of souls; some argue that this is the union of two halves torn apart in heaven; some believe that this is a physical and chemical process, but everyone agrees on one thing. Love is an acute feeling of need for constant presence near a certain person and in the possession of it. Are you ready for this? Then go ahead!
What to do to fall in love?
It is believed that feelings are not subject to reason. Maybe it is so. That's just psychologists unanimously say that to program the heart(or whatever is actually responsible for feelings) quite possible. How?.
First of all, it's a habit.
So that a person becomes dear to you, so that you have a desire to see him again and again, so that you feel the need for him, he should appear in your life quite often. No matter how much two people hate each other, if they are forced to coexist in their own society and do the same job for at least six months, after this time they will feel, if not love, then at least sympathy for each other.
It's kind of a reflex– you see a person every day, you do the same thing, you have the same goals with him, which means you need him, and you can’t live without him. This reflex explains the massive crush on TV stars - you see them every day at home and cannot live without the show/series/clip in which they participate.
That is why are doomed to failure. Love requires constant nourishment (visual, tactile, acoustic), without which feelings fade away. Therefore, here’s some humorous (but not really) advice for you: before you fall in love with a guy, find out how far he lives from you and whether he’s suddenly going to leave for permanent residence in another country.
Secondly, it is a state of vulnerability
Surely you've heard stories like: “And so I was fired from work, my grandfather got sick, my apartment was robbed, and in the morning I fell into a puddle, broke my heel and ruined my light coat! I thought that the dark streak in my life would never end, but then I saw Him, the guy from the next apartment! I immediately realized that it was Him.” And it doesn’t matter that “He” has been living in this house since his birth.
The moral of the story is that We only fall in love in moments of our emotional vulnerability.. We may be vulnerable due to some troubles (dismissal, grandfather’s illness, material losses, a damaged coat). We can be vulnerable because of self-doubt (was I worthy of this job? Was it my fault that my grandfather got sick? Everyone is laughing at my dirty coat!). We can be vulnerable due to an acute feeling of loneliness and self-pity (and no one helped us get out of this puddle!).
In moments of vulnerability, when we don't know what to do, we need someone nearby. Someone who will regret, support, help - in general, protect from the aggressive outside world.
But how can you fall in love with a guy if everything seems to be normal? And the job is decent, and everyone in the family is healthy, and the relationship with everyone is normal - it seems like there are no irritating factors? But no way! - I will answer. But it doesn’t happen that there are no irritating factors at all. The most terrible disease modern world called loneliness. Almost every self-sufficient person “without irritating factors” is susceptible to this disease.
Thirdly, these are extreme sensations
Adrenaline - here it is, our hero! Let's look at how adrenaline released during stress affects our body. Your heart is beating like crazy, your breathing is quickening, you’re short of air, your head starts to spin, you start to worry... According to your brain, this is roughly what you should feel not only during times of stress, but also when you really like someone.
Therefore, if during times of stress (a stressful situation can be any kind - flying on an airplane, rock climbing, submitting an annual report) there is at least some worthy man, the brain mistakenly associates your stressful state with the presence of this Man, it says: yes, my dear, you have fallen in love!
Don't know how to fall in love with a guy? Just look around more when you're nervous!
Who should you fall in love with?
Before you fall in love with any guy, you should also understand who we fall in love with. Research shows that For men, beauty is important, and for women, social security is important.
However, this does not mean at all that women with short legs and men without an apartment, car, or job will be alone forever and ever. As you have probably already noticed, everyone is loved: beautiful and not so, rich and poor, healthy and sick, kind and cruel. And all because our brain is a rather complex thing, and for each object in the material world it creates its own ideal, endowed with a wide variety of properties. There is an image in your head ideal man. And, even if you don’t suspect it, your brain has endowed it with more than just money and social status, everything is much more complicated.
And then how can you fall in love with a guy if somewhere in the subcortex there is an incomprehensible ideal hidden? The fact is that we rarely fall in love with the ideal. Simply because it cannot be found. But when you are subconsciously ready to fall in love, your brain compares every man from your environment with the image of the ideal. And, if he finds enough matches, you fall in love.
How to fall in love with a guy - let's look at an example
As you already understand, your love depends on how ready you are to fall in love right now and how much this guy matches your ideal. Let's assume that the guy is very compatible. What to do to fall in love?
- First, create a need.. Systematicity and regularity are what is important. If your chosen one does not work with you at the same job, arrange it so that you catch each other's eyes more often. However, you shouldn’t become overly annoying and make appointments every day - don’t get carried away, as you’ll only push him away. Start by spending time with each other periodically - once a month, once every two weeks, every week. Remind him of yourself from time to time so that he doesn’t forget that you exist. As a result, both he and you will feel the need for constant meetings.
- Secondly, prepare yourself. You must be mentally prepared to fall in love. You should perceive your chosen one as a person who saves you from something - from loneliness, from boredom, from the inability to fix a computer, screw in a paw, eat with chopsticks or draw.
- Thirdly, add stressful situation . A man must be a protector, then a woman will fall in love with him. Do you want to fall in love? Take your partner to a roller coaster, a water park, or a horror room—any place that evokes both fear and delight. Here, of course, the main thing is that the man himself is not afraid.
This article was written for those who desperately want, but do not know, how to fall in love with a guy. But cunning ladies can use this article for their own selfish purposes. The rules of “falling in love” are the same for both women and men. The trinity of habit-vulnerability-stress affects everyone. Using it can either make you fall in love or fall in love with you - it all depends on your own actions and intentions.
The main thing is to remember well: feelings are not toys. You shouldn't manipulate people for your own pleasure, it doesn't bring happiness to anyone.
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Is a young man from your close circle constantly next to you? Does he give you gifts, show signs of attention, but remains indifferent to you? So how can you create a reciprocal feeling for someone who is sincere and honest towards you?
Love is undoubtedly one of the most extraordinary feelings that a person has ever experienced throughout his life. It motivates, makes you change for the better.
Surely everyone has had unrequited love, which brings a lot of mental pain and leaves an extremely unpleasant aftertaste on the heart. In such cases, we usually go out of our way to win the affection of the object of our love. But from the side of the person whose favor we are trying to win, everything doesn’t look so rosy.
Anyone is probably familiar with the situation when an overly persistent young man is courting you, constantly giving you flowers, inviting you to go for a walk, but, alas, he is not trustworthy and does not have the qualities necessary for your “ideal”. Then, most likely, his efforts will not be crowned with success, and he will be turned away.
But what to do if the young man caring for you is very good and his intentions are sincere and pure, and he has repeatedly shown himself to be a worthy person to build Serious relationships, but despite all this, doesn’t make you love yourself?
In this case, many girls face a difficult choice - to reject a worthy candidate for building a further relationship, or to try to evoke a reciprocal feeling in themselves and begin to build, perhaps, a family life, with a person who has shown himself to be an exemplary family man and an ideal husband.
And in the end, bright love is not so important for family life than mutual understanding, respect and good attitude to each other, so good that even without love you will feel happy.
So what should you do if this happens and you need to “fall in love” with a person?
- Find all his positive qualities;
- Find out if he is the person he seems at first glance;
- Learn to trust your partner;
- Convince yourself that you are happy next to him;
- Share his habits and hobbies.
Let's look at all the points in order.
Find all his positive qualities
Maybe he doesn't throw his socks around and is ready to wash the dishes instead of playing on the computer. Perhaps he is ready to buy you any clothes to suit your taste and let you go to his girlfriends.
If only his shortcomings catch your eye, every word he says causes you irritation and, perhaps, even disgust, then you need to find in him such a positive quality that would allow you to close your eyes to all the minor shortcomings.
Maybe it’s worth making a list of all the good and bad qualities of the candidate, all good qualities mentally exaggerate, thereby extolling the guy, and call all the shortcomings meaningless and unnecessary little things. After all, you decided that he is the one worthy to become the father of your future children, therefore, there are qualities in him that are higher for you than external, physical attractiveness.
After all, when making a choice between a stunning handsome man who will cheat on you and show his frivolity in all its glory, and, perhaps, a not so handsome young man, in whose reliability you will be one hundred percent sure, what will you choose?
Find out if he is the person he seems to be at first glance
Sometimes young people set themselves only one goal - to achieve a girl by any means, to get her into bed. Such guys very often do anything for this, pretend to be sweet and gentle, lie about themselves and about their past, and without seeing your reaction to this they only intensify their attempts to win you.
If a young person is a kind of virtuoso in this matter, then the truth may not be revealed very, very soon, therefore, you should not try to love a person who, in your opinion, periodically behaves suspiciously, his mood changes, he often forgets some small details that I told you before and passed it off as the truth.
Think about it: do you want to fall in love with a liar, even if he looks like a worthy candidate for your hand and heart? This could be a mistake that you will regret until you are old.
Learn to trust your partner.
If you are a naturally distrustful person, then you shouldn’t show it very clearly. Usually, mistrust offends a person, especially if his feelings, as you have seen, are sincere. Yes, and you should overcome the emotional barrier that will initially be between you.
When a person experiences such a feeling as love, trust usually comes with it, and since you are trying to induce love artificially, you will have to learn to trust.
To do this, try to control the person as little as possible, give him chances to do everything so that you can rely on him, send him for important purchases, let him pay your bills. Sooner or later, in this way, you will get used to the fact that you can always rely on your partner, and trust will come by itself.
Convince yourself that you are happy with him.
Every person is pleased to see the fire in the eyes of a loved one, the smile on his face. This brings true happiness because giving joy is the truest gift. And if the person you decide to fall in love with is truly sincere with you, then your every smile, every happy look or good word addressed to him will make his partner feel needed and important.
Therefore, if you do not yet love, but at least respect the person you have chosen as your future husband, then you should learn to bring him joy, and to be happy yourself. If he wiped, arranged a romantic dinner, put away his socks, or bought you popcorn at the cinema - it doesn’t matter, convince yourself that happiness lies in such little things.
Share his habits and hobbies
Guys' range of interests, of course, is somewhat different from girls' hobbies. They buy less clothes, play computers more, watch football and drink beer.
No, of course, you shouldn’t become “on the board” for him, otherwise you can lose not only his affection, but also love in general. Everything has its own edges.
Try asking him to tell you about some matches, he will be pleasantly flattered by the opportunity to show his knowledge in many areas, and you may be at least somewhat interested. But also, try to instill in him a couple of your hobbies that could be just as interesting to him.
For example, suggest replacing one evening with beer in front of the TV with a trip to the museum, and try replacing playing on the computer with a nice romantic dinner.
Find out his preferences in food and clothing, because of course he will be pleased to receive his favorite omelet with tomatoes for breakfast. The more you know a person, the more similarities with your interests you find in him, the more likely it is that you will fall in love with him.
So, we have covered the main points that you need to remember when trying to fall in love with a guy.
The main thing is to remember that if you can’t evoke this feeling in yourself, then you shouldn’t give up, because love never comes quickly, in order to fall in love, both partners need to work, get to know each other as much as possible, spend a lot of time together and try in everything help each other.
Time does not stand still, and many of your friends have already acquired husbands and children, but you still can’t find your one and only? You may already have a boyfriend, but the problem is that only he feels love for you, and you don’t. On the one hand, it’s a wonderful feeling when you are loved, but on the other hand, you want to experience this inspired feeling yourself. If you have at least friendly feelings for a man, then all is not lost. Psychologists say that love begins with sincere friendship. But other relationships, built only on passion, do not last long. In this article, you will learn how to love a guy who loves you.
Is it possible to love a person over time?
As you know, love is, first of all, a deep feeling. When we experience love, we experience . And it will definitely take time to develop this feeling. Believe me, once you fall in love, you will feel it immediately. Don't rush yourself, be patient and at first just enjoy the friendly affection. The main thing is for love to appear, then truly falling in love will not be difficult.
Try to spend time with him as often as possible. This way you can quickly recognize common interests, and if you spend time together often, you can quickly develop your unidentified feeling. But you shouldn’t abuse it, loneliness can sometimes be very useful. You may feel some irritability towards your companion, in which case, take a rest and spend some time apart. If you do not have the opportunity to remain without the attention of your chosen one, then this may end badly, and you will begin to feel great hostility towards him. For example, this applies to married women. And they are much more tormented by the question of how to love a husband who loves you.
When discussing the topic of whether it is possible to fall in love with a person over time, we confidently say yes!
How to love someone who loves you?
When answering the question of how to love someone who loves you, first of all you must understand that love is happiness, which should bring joy, not pain and suffering.
Girls should show maximum attention to their chosen one. Try to listen to a man, try to understand his thoughts, all his problems and do not ignore his opinion. You should get to know him as much as possible, maybe you just don’t know him well? After all, a person is not always able to open up right away.
Avoid criticism! You should not attach great importance to some wrong actions and words. Even if he really does something wrong, don’t get angry, try to talk to him calmly. Especially it concerns 
hot-tempered girls. Remember, you want to fall in love with this person, not push him further away from your heart. Also, forget about any quarrels, because anyone will cause you wild irritation, and in the end you will hate your companion. In case of conflict, do not express everything at once, but try to calm your anger. It is best to ask forgiveness for your temper.