A husband earns less than his wife. Psychology. What to do if the wife earns more than her husband. The main problems of a family where the wife earns more

It is not difficult to notice that Russian society has not yet welcomed the erosion of gender stereotypes and “upside-down” families. And in general, “strengthening traditional values” is somehow much more in trend with us now. Many are ready to show their tolerance in public, nodding their heads in agreement and demonstrating their open-mindedness, but in their hearts they still condemn the current state of affairs: well, a woman shouldn’t have to bear the burden of her family! This does not mean at all that everyone around is liars and pretenders, far from it. It’s just that there are still an order of magnitude more “silently disagreeing” or “slightly condemning” people.

There is nothing to be surprised here: stereotypes and traditions still rule in Russian society. It is absolutely normal for us to use the expression “member of the stronger sex” as a synonym for the word “man”. Indeed, you wouldn’t say about a woman – the head of an international company, handling billions – that she is a representative of the stronger sex?

If you know women in leadership positions, they will probably admit to you that they regularly hear questions about their marital status. A friend of mine says that when asked about her husband’s occupation, she answers: “He has a very responsible profession.” Her husband does housework, repairs, does the family accounting, raises their son, plans vacations - in general, does everything that my friend hates doing. And he does it very well. She's one of those women who wouldn't even boil an egg, but she's a born leader who quickly rose through the ranks thanks to her extraordinary intelligence, incredible hard work, willingness to learn, and emotional intelligence. Both of them - husband and wife - are satisfied with this state of affairs, but for those around them, the family represents an inexhaustible source of gossip, discussions and other serial scenarios.

The majority unspokenly believes that such a marriage has no future: sooner or later one of two things will happen - either the wife will get tired of “carrying” her husband around her neck, or the husband will ask the question “Who is the man here?” and leaves to look for a less lively friend. It is clear that this option is not excluded, but there is always an alternative.

What do people think about “shift families” in the world?

A review of foreign and domestic publications on the topic of unequal income in the family shows Russia, alas, not in better light: if “they” have coaches, psychologists and everyone else talking about the growing number of families where the wife is the breadwinner, about changing gender roles and perceive this as a normal process, then “we” are asking the questions “How to save a marriage if the wife earns more ? or “How not to become a mother to your own spouse?” That is, the message is initially opposite: the opinion about development and movement modern society the inveterate domestic conservatism and patriarchy are opposed: the man is in charge! A woman's place is at the hearth! With high earnings, a woman can offend and psychologically traumatize a man!

American author Farnoosh Torabi, in his book When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women, writes about the trend towards more women earning more than men. It is logical to assume that the number of men with incomes less than their wives’ earnings is increasing. What conclusion do we draw? Gender roles in the world are changing regardless of people’s opinions; this happens naturally, gradually, but inevitably. This means that it would be strange to continue to think that marriages where the woman dominates in terms of income have no future.

Writer Miranda Marquit was asked: Can a marriage where the woman earns more be happy? Miranda gave several reasons why such a marriage would be successful. The main reason is that in such a union, each partner does what he loves most and what he is better at. She gives the example of her marriage: her husband earns much less than Miranda, but thanks to her income he can afford to do what brings him joy - teach. This does not bring in much income, but it gives him a sense of happiness and self-fulfillment, as well as time for housekeeping. Here’s the opposite question: why shouldn’t a marriage be happy in which the woman earns more, if this state of affairs suits both husband and wife?

Now let's look at Russian experts. Psychologist Yulia Sinareva, in an article for Forbes, argues that a wife’s respect for her husband sitting at home “on the Internet, watching movies or playing games” disappears, and “nothing can be done about this using logical arguments.” In everything, it turns out, she was originally a “terminator”, which gave the message to her husband to lie down on the sofa, and she herself would earn money, and wash the dishes, and something else, about huts and horses. If you look at the family from this angle - the woman herself made sure that the man did not do anything, and now, you see, she is dissatisfied with this - then it is clear why we have such an attitude towards families with a breadwinner wife. We do not initially consider the point of view according to which the existing state of affairs suits both spouses.

In the county town N

If you look at the cities of Russia, you can clearly see: the answer to the question “Is it right if a wife earns more than her husband?” depends on the size of the settlement. How larger city, the more tolerant its residents are to changing gender roles in the family. In small towns there is a larger percentage of doubters, but in small towns the view that such a situation is unacceptable is clearly in the lead.

One of my friends received a long-awaited promotion, which she shared with her friends. Of the four friends, three unanimously asked: “How did your husband react?” The fourth widened her eyes and said: “What are you going to do now?”, implying that such a situation would inevitably destroy their marriage - a woman in the family cannot, well, cannot occupy a higher position and receive more wages than her husband.

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist Irina Egorova explains it this way: “It’s all because of traditions, which are strong in small settlements and are reduced to almost nothing when it comes to megacities. The inveterate conservatism of the inhabitants of small towns reaches the point that it would not even occur to a woman to agree to a leadership position or a higher salary compared to her husband.”

However, even if a resident small town and is distinguished by the most advanced views, she does not have many chances to become the breadwinner in the family. It is unlikely that the head of a local enterprise will offer her a leadership position - as they say, “not accepted, sir.” If a miracle does happen, her salary will a priori be less than that of a male employee in a similar position.

But not everything is so sad: the idea that changing gender roles in the family is normal is gradually taking root in Russian society. Society is increasingly accepting that everyone is free to do what is closest to them. In civilized countries, they no longer look askance at men who take maternity leave to care for a child instead of their wife. In families, responsibilities are increasingly divided into male and female. We will not make predictions regarding the timing, but it is a fact that our society will sooner or later accept the “normality” of families where the man takes care of the housework and the woman is the breadwinner. And this will happen regardless of whether we want it or not, simply because this is how the world is developing.

What if the wife earns more than her husband? This is very good - every 20th person thinks so married man in Russia (5%). That this is bad - every third (30%). But 60% of “married people” say that if a wife earns more than her husband, then it doesn’t matter, and the remaining 5% of respondents answered: “I don’t know what to say.” If you think about the meaning of these numbers, the picture that emerges is completely and utterly bleak. It turns out that the vast majority of our spouses (5% + 60% + 5% = 70%) quite calmly grant a woman the “right” to earn more (read - to be more successful in life), while they themselves are ready to be content with a modest “supporting role”!

It looks like a living illustration for the old Polish film “Sexmission”. In it, if you remember, the women of the future were sure that all “males” were creatures, to put it mildly, of the second category: weak, unreasonable and generally subject to destruction as unnecessary. And now men, it seems, do not refuse second roles themselves (see above). What is this? Has that very “future” already arrived? Honestly, I wouldn’t want to... After all, a man, by his nature and destiny, has a vital desire to BE FIRST, to win or to die. Otherwise, you will remain weaklings at the tail of the pack. And no female will ever let you near her in her life, because only the FIRST can continue the race. This is prescribed by Nature, but what happens to our men?

Over the past three decades, the number of women earning more than their husbands worldwide has tripled (!!!) times.

"Moscow does not believe in tears"

Just three decades ago, in the 80s of the 20th century, the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” was very popular in the USSR. Noble Gosha - a normal, strong-armed, big-headed man, a hard worker - could not come to terms with the fact that his Katerina turned out to be the director of the plant. And left. In Russian, he went on a multi-day binge. For he received psychological trauma, being a man of the old school, who sincerely believed that the woman he loved could not surpass a man in social status. Otherwise - misalliance (“marriage between people who are very different in property or social status”). I don’t know whether Gosha was aware that this term existed or not, but he resisted this phenomenon quite adequately. Because, following masculine nature, I wanted to be the first in everything. Especially in family relationships. “By the simple right that I am a man,” said the hero of Alexei Batalov. And millions of Soviet women, disliked by their drunkard husbands, were thrilled by these words...

And then perestroika happened, which broke everything that had been hammered into the heads of the Soviet people for 70 years. It was necessary to leave bankrupt research institutes, retrain from engineers to salesmen or racketeers in order to feed the family. It was then, in an era of change, that our men were divided into two unequal camps: those who WANTED and could survive, and those who preferred to go with the flow, leaving their wives to earn money in the changed conditions.

According to psychologists, women adapt to all kinds of changes much more easily, they are more flexible than men and recover from troubles three times faster.

Role reversal

If under the USSR everyone was “equal”, including in salary, then the capitalist system, where everyone is for himself, greatly undermined the psychological mood of a fairly large part of the population. More precisely (and we see this from the figures given in the introduction) - approximately 2/3 of the representatives of the “stronger” sex, without much hesitation, agree that the wife may well be not only the keeper of the hearth, but also the breadwinner-“wolf”: ) So, if you have such a comrade as your life partner, who is not very “fighting for the rights of men and people,” then earn yourself at least 2, at least 200 times more than him - he will only be happy! There are a lot of such men among feminine, creative natures, prone to quests and not at all feeling the need to drag you some stupid mammoths (such “boys and girls” are often found among actors, philologists, directors, musicians). The main thing is that you yourself have “manly brains” and acumen, so that you can easily cope with the accounting of a huge plant or the management of a reputable company. Then there will be no “gritting” in your family regarding solvency/insolvency. After all, you initially occupy positions in the family that are opposite to the generally accepted ones - the wife provides, the wife, the husband - harmonizes and “creates”. Usually in such families there are no children, since the spouse copes with their role quite well. And his wife is proud of him, forgives all his weaknesses (alcohol, women, etc.) and shows him to his acquaintances as a bright bird of paradise with the words “we wrote a new song here, only the bastard fascist producers don’t take it” or “we have a brilliant script They made it, now we go to theaters, they promised to stage it at the Mukhopopinsky Drama Theater.”

Poor husband

The situation described in the previous paragraph, although it occurs, is quite rare. Still, we still have few women who are ready to be men, to look after and cherish their bunny husband instead of their own children. Usually a woman still tries to find a decent job herself, and encourages her husband to do so. If it doesn’t work with persuasion, tears, reproaches (not the best way), then by example. Unfortunately, only 3% of men say that the example of his wife, who began to earn more, stimulated him to search for new job or career advancement. The rest begin to look for excuses like: well, she’s luckier; they won’t pay that much for my work anywhere; I like the company I work for and I have no plans to leave; I work, I don’t sit idly by! That is, you feel that in justification sentences the negative particle “NOT” is increasingly beginning to sound: NOT getting paid, NOT going to, NOT sitting, etc. The destructive magical power of these sounds, seemingly harmless at first, is enormous. Having had a couple of conversations with his wife on the topic “why can I earn money, but you’re sitting on your pants” and at the same time uttering the above set of phrases starting with denial, the man subconsciously transfers this particle NOT to all areas family life. And gradually he comes to the conclusion that his wife, who is successful in life, simply does NOT need him... This process, of course, is NOT quick, but it is going on :) At this time, a man can pretend that he doesn’t care about all this and answer in all opinion polls, that “who earns how much in a family is completely unimportant” (remember our very 68% with which we started the conversation). In fact, this is important to him; simply, for convenience, it is driven deep into the subconscious. And if financial success wives last for years, and he still goes to the “poor relatives”, then, in the end, everything can end in depression, attempts to go on a drinking binge. Well - or leave the family, motivating this action with the words: “Why do you need me like THIS?” The implication, dear ladies, in this case is not always self-deprecation, but also the fact that to another woman he will be a hunter, a provider and “wow!” a man.

So what to do when the wife earns more than her husband?

Yes, women in modern world may be much more than 100 or 200 years ago. And give birth to children, and bake buns, and manage huge companies. That’s how versatile, diligent and generally smart we are. It’s more difficult for men, they are more “one-pointed” creatures - if they’re going to work, then work hard; if you rest until the full “position of the vestments”; if you indulge in despair, then to complete darkness. And to keep each other afloat, to help and support - God invented a family. A place where a woman should be wise and a man should be strong. In which you and I are looking for support, and our husbands are looking for understanding. So let's be wise. And we will develop approximately the following action plan.

1. When we are offered a highly paid job, we analyze how much time and effort it will take and how it will affect family life. WE CONSULT WITH YOUR HUSBAND ON WHAT TO DO.

2. If at the family council you came to a mutual agreement that you need to agree, then talk through all the details, namely: financial, temporary, psychological. Don’t be afraid to ask your husband: “And you, who are such a boss, won’t you leave me, by any chance?” Let him think about it now, and not in a year or two, when he has accumulated a lot of internal grievances.

3. Never transfer the tone and manner of communication between SUPERVISOR and SUBBODIBER into your family. At work you are a boss or housewife, at home you are your husband’s wife. Let him retain at least the illusion of superiority.

4. Let your husband take care of himself. Don’t tell him: “No need to come for me, the driver will take me home from work.” He’s coming to pick you up so he can spend an extra half hour or hour with you, but you, it turns out, are pushing him away.

5. If you feel that there is tension in the relationship, do not be afraid to start a conversation first. Don’t expect a man to speak on his own; if he wants to save the relationship, he will remain silent until the last moment. And when he suddenly starts throwing accusations at you, it may already be too late.

In a world where gender equality reigns and where women value their female emancipation, a man may be lower in status than a representative of the fair sex. Some people are happy with this state of affairs, others are not. What to do if you find yourself in this delicate situation?

4 5 1 Jealousy is a painful feeling that eats a person from the inside. It can erase all the good things that existed between lovers and destroy the relationship. And yet, some girls consider the phrase “Jealous means she loves” to be correct, but jealousy is a disease and selfishness that is incapable of love. How to deal with jealousy and whether it is necessary to do it at all, I figured out KHOCHU.ua. Awareness of the problem.

In any case, in a family where the husband earns less than the wife, conflicts often occur. Let us recall at least the scene from the movie “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” where Georgy Ivanovich, having learned about his wife’s high position and her earnings, slammed the door because he was humiliated and received psychological trauma. In order not to find yourself in the place of Katerina Tikhomirova and not be left without a man, I WANT.ua will try to help you understand the situation and understand what to do.

Note. We will not take into account the classic lazy people who are content to lie on the couch, they do not strive to change anything in their lives and their wife’s high earnings do not depress them at all, but even make them happy.

Don't change roles. When a man provided you financially, you arranged your home life, took care of the children, and prepared food. If the situation has changed and now the financial security of the family is on you, you should not shift household responsibilities to your husband (unless, of course, he himself takes care of everyday life or is completely greedy and treats you as both a wallet and a servant). A normal man, who already does not like your financial superiority, will be oppressed by the role of a housewife imposed on him. He will feel insignificant and will not be inspired to achieve career achievements. It is better to be patient and carefully ask your lover for help with the housework, rather than completely saddle him with feminine responsibilities, otherwise he will feel like a recluse in the house.

Don't belittle his masculinity and dignity. He is already depressed by his condition, and you will constantly remind him that you earn more and he is not capable of anything. This state of affairs will drive anyone crazy. Even if your husband earns less than you, let him feel that he is needed. He should feel like a protector, breadwinner and head of the family. Never try to criticize him, humiliate him, insult him and reproach him for the fact that he cannot earn more than you, and also do not give him as an example the husbands of your friends who were able to provide financial well-being for the family. Some people don’t tend to make money at all – well, they just can’t do it and that’s it!

Financial decisions are on him. Even if, in this moment time you earn more, it’s still worth asking your loved one for advice about a particular purchase. Never say the phrase: “I earn more, so I will decide!” It's disgusting. You definitely wouldn't want to hear such a phrase addressed to you. By the way, psychologists say that when a woman manages her finances without the participation of a man, her sexual attraction to him disappears. Therefore, make a decision together with your spouse and do not do things your own way. Another piece of advice: don’t hide the money you earn from your husband in your wallet. Let them be freely available, for example, in a box. And there is no need to demand a full report on the funds spent.

Stay a woman. A man must feel needed, in otherwise, he will wither away. You should not turn into a man in a skirt who can easily change a tire on a car, hang a shelf, or drag a refrigerator to the seventh floor (although this is something out of fantasy). These masculine tasks must be performed by the husband. You can deliberately create small problems that a man can get into, and then there will be no scandals in your home. You can also take a break from your independence, allowing your loved one to take full care of you.

Don't compare. The worst thing men can do is compare them to someone else. Even if your mutual friend recently received a promotion and a good increase in salary, you should not use him as an example to your husband. Firstly, he will only get angry, and secondly, he already knows about the success of his friend without you and is internally worried. Competition can be a good incentive to earn money, but only without other people's reminders and reproaches.

Common cause. The ideal solution would be to engage in a common cause that will unite you together. Let him be the generator of ideas, and you the implementer, or vice versa. It doesn’t matter what kind of business it will be or whether it will generate income. You can start a renovation and give the man complete freedom of action and an unlimited budget. Or you can give him a choice of where to go on his next vacation, or let him come up with an idea for a business. In general, there can be a lot of options for moving it. The main thing is not to escalate the situation and not to piss him off with your financial superiority.

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4 5 1 “Girlfriends or husband, husband or girlfriends?” - a question arises in every woman’s head when her closest people cannot get along with each other. What to do in such a situation when it is impossible to refuse to communicate with friends, and your husband begins to put on a sad face when Alla once again calls you for advice? KHOCHU.ua understands atypical jealousy and gives effective advice.

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Our health depends on happiness in marriage

Scientists believe that the more a husband and wife are satisfied with their marriage and each other, the less often they get sick. Yulia Korneva, healthy lifestyle expert, author of the project about healthy way life Live up! A successful marriage means fewer illnesses. We all know that conflicts lead to increased stress levels for everyone involved. And long-term exposure to stress on the body causes cardiovascular diseases, digestive problems, sleep disorders, loss of sexual desire and many other unpleasant things.

Ecology of life: One man will begin to compete with his wife and climb to the top, another will accept the situation and calmly spend her money, the third will fall into neurosis from the feeling of his own uselessness and drink, the fourth will find a “poorer” mistress, the fifth will demand to leave work...

“One man will begin to compete with his wife and climb to the top, another will accept the situation and calmly spend her money, the third will fall into neurosis from the feeling of his own uselessness and drink, the fourth will find a “poorer” mistress, the fifth will demand to leave work... But what now, women not earning money and refusing promotions?”

Image: Internet Book Illustration Archive, 1889

Probably, deep in the subcortex sit thoughts such as “if you are a real man, then you should earn more than me” or “if you could provide for me, I would be a good wife for you.” This “must earn” often leads to conflict.

I saw my friends in a cafe for the weekend. The conversation touched on a topic such as the influence of income level on relationships in a couple. A friend expressed the idea that the higher the wife’s income in the family, the worse things are with her husband. A man stops feeling like a man. In all senses.

LiveJournal constantly discusses the topic of female commercialism, dowrylessness and kept women. In reality, I see women earning equal to or more than men. It is interesting to observe the relationship between spouses as the wife’s income increases. Relationships are changing and not in favor of the family. Thoughts appear in your head about an equal contribution to the family pot, but unequal responsibilities around the house. Therefore, the wife is slowly starting to shed her household responsibilities: dinners are bought ready-made in the culinary departments, cleaning can be entrusted to professionals (especially since it is now relatively inexpensive), in some families homework husband does.

The wife no longer listens so much to her husband’s words; commanding notes may appear in her voice. She feels more confident with every salary jump and step up the career ladder. Her self-confidence cannot but be reflected in her appearance. Eyes sparkle, gait is confident, clothes are more expensive, self-care is better. Accordingly, she begins to attract men more strongly than during periods of lack of money, flirting and admirers appear, and therefore the demands on the man nearby grow.

The husband avoids fulfilling his marital duty, the woman feels like a breadwinner and a parent to her husband, and what kind of intimate relationship can there be between mother and son? A woman may start looking around. If everything is traditional with moral principles, then fantasies will remain just fantasies; if not, then adultery will happen.

When children appear at this moment, the situation improves: the wife again earns little, because she is on maternity leave, the husband is again the breadwinner, which is sure to have a good effect on his self-esteem. When there are no children, everything turns out differently. I see one such family. They don't know about my blog, but I'll change the names just in case.

Christina married a guy from a wealthy family with an apartment. Started as a simple purchasing manager food products, and he organized parties, promoted glossy magazines, and then got a job as a trader in a financial company. A couple of years after the wedding, Artem decided to try to make big money in trading securities and just stopped working. I traded at home, it didn't work out well...

For two years now he has not worked, because he does not want to work for his uncle, and there is no money to open his own business. Kristina was promoted to department head of a large retail chain in the Russian Federation. Artem still doesn’t work, but doesn’t advertise it under the guise of “working from home.” Kristina periodically causes scandals because Artem pays with her card for all his online purchases, but each time the scandal ends with the fact that “There is absolutely nowhere to work, Artem cannot find himself. He is so competent, contradictory, it will be difficult for him to get along with an ordinary boss.” They have no children, but on the part of Artem, Christina’s child... She doesn’t consider him a man, rather an unintelligent child... Her friends do not comment on the situation, but deep down, we, of course, condemn Artem for inactivity and Kristina for connivance . It’s someone else’s family, it’s their business, they’ll sort it out themselves...

One man will begin to compete with his wife and climb to the top, another will accept the situation and calmly spend her money, the third will fall into neurosis from the feeling of his own uselessness and drink, the fourth will find a “poorer” mistress, the fifth will demand to leave work... published

IN Lately Quite often I see families where the wife earns more than the husband. Moreover, men from these families have different attitudes to this state of affairs: some try to change this situation, while others adapt. They take care of household chores, changing roles with their wife, or even simply lie down on the sofa, so that it is more convenient to spit at the ceiling.

If you look at all this through the eyes of the average woman, then everything is quite sad. It doesn’t matter how it happened that her income suddenly began to seriously dominate his. It doesn’t matter who she is: a highly paid actress, an artist, a model or a banal director of NorthSouthEastWestPromBank, because sooner or later her respect for him will begin to melt before her eyes. Moreover, it is extremely difficult to influence this, because everything happens at the level of the subconscious and instincts: it is normal that a female wants to raise her offspring next to a reliable male. Women are emotional creatures who think not with their heads, but often with these very instincts, which, thanks to the prevailing conditions, mainly promise only disappointment and disrespect for the other half. After all, it’s important for you to feel protected and not used, isn’t it? A drop in self-esteem, complexes, a decrease in sexual activity against the backdrop of a feeling of personal inferiority - all this also threatens a man in such a relationship on an instinctive level. Do we need it?

But, I repeat, this is an average view of such a situation. By the way, I share it; I could not exist in such a relationship. I am old-fashioned, it is important for me to feel like a classic earner. As I already said, I am comfortable building a family according to the principle “mom is beautiful, dad works,” I consider this model to be the only correct one. The opposite situation would constantly hurt self-esteem and the male ego, interfering with healthy relationships within the couple. Although, probably, all this can be explained simply by the fact that I like gentle and feminine girls, whose priorities are family values, and not career advancement and a salary that can feed the whole family.

But my opinion is just my opinion, and experience shows that other options for the development of the situation are possible. There are people who don’t care at all whose salary is higher. They simply take and distribute responsibilities around the house and everyday life... She brings the main income to the family, he happily takes care of the house and children, and everyone feels needed and loved. If a man is not bothered by the status of “householder”, and a woman is happy with everything about it, they have found a balance of fair mutual exchange. Why not? True, it should be noted that this scheme only works if the wife really enjoys her work, and the husband really doesn’t mind doing housework, and doesn’t do it because “he has to.” It is very important for a woman to understand and always remember that a man should feel like a man, even if he has taken on traditionally feminine responsibilities. Leave him the opportunity to take initiative, make decisions - give him a field for self-realization. Treat him as the head of the family, because you can and should respect your husband not only for his earnings. Under no circumstances should you transfer the boss-subordinate tone and manner of communication into your family. At work you are a boss or housewife, at home you are your husband’s wife. Let him retain at least the illusion of superiority.

I also witnessed situations where a man who found himself in similar conditions did not want to feel defeated and entered into a fight with his wife. For him, his woman’s high income is a kind of challenge, an excitement. And then one single goal comes to the fore - to prove to her, to himself and to everyone around him that he is capable of much, that he is a real man, and not some whining housewife. And all this leads to excessive workaholism and, as a consequence, the resolution of marriage. Because none of the spouses pays attention to the relationship anymore. But the most important thing is to maintain warm relationships and peace in the family in any circumstances. With a wise approach, it doesn’t matter at all who becomes the breadwinner and who the keeper. After all, when you got married, you just wanted to be happy.

To summarize: the situation in each specific family is individual. Its outcome depends on many factors, but, in my opinion, first of all, on the psychotype of personality of each spouse. I would like to give one, in general, universal advice, which perfectly suits today’s topic: dear ladies, if you feel that there is tension in your relationship, do not be afraid to start a conversation first. Don't expect the man to speak on his own. By nature, in most cases, we are designed in such a way that if we want to maintain a relationship, we will remain silent until the last moment. And when, after a long silence, it suddenly breaks through, accusations and claims against you begin to pour in like hail - most likely, it will be too late...