There are constant scandals at home about what to do. Tired of constant scandals in your family? How to stop scandals in the family

Help me please! I’m 15. At home there are constant scandals, swearing, it’s no longer possible! The scandals began about a year ago and have continued every day since then. There are three of us living: mom, sister and me. If someone starts to get nervous, is it just because or arises stressful situation. For example, a glass broke, someone pushed someone, something broke, then it’s the END OF THE WORLD! And then it started, you creature, I curse you to die, bitch, damn it. Well, is that really possible, but we are family, I’ve already explained it a hundred times. I was already freaking out myself, I started to get nervous over trifles. Mom called me a creature, rubbish, why the f*ck did I touch them, that I constantly squeal because I accidentally broke the crystals for the chandelier, but they can be changed in the store (they had such cases). I told her that how could her conscience allow her to say such things to me, but she insulted me more than ever, swore at me, and my sister immediately took a rolling pin and hit me on the head (a day has passed, it still hurts). Mom said that I have no right to say anything to her at all, and if she wants, she can even kill me and nothing will happen to her (in one of these scandals she swung a knife at me, and I pushed her away so that she fell and then she She also said that I’m an unscrupulous scum, because I beat her (the main thing is that my mother and sister start scandals, and I constantly apologize for screaming in hysterics and supposedly it was I who started the scandal, simply because I sing and want attention attract). And here I am again, I closed myself, I’m sitting. I’m writing to you, because I’m already tired of everything, life is not a joy, I look at other people, they communicate, have fun, are friendly, and I envy. Well, how can I treat them well after this .
Tell me, maybe I'm doing something wrong. It's no longer possible. Help!
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Sasha, age: 15 / 07/06/2015

Responses:

Hello, Sasha. With this attitude, it’s better not to get involved in scandals out of harm’s way, as soon as the screams start, turn around and leave, there’s no need to argue, bicker, prove something, it’s useless and, on the contrary, passions flare up more than ever. Try to find a loved one to whom you can vent, maybe it’s one of your relatives, or a friend or girlfriend. In the future, if you go to study, you will be able to go live in a hostel, and then you will get married and go to live with your husband/with your husband. Don’t be discouraged, all this is temporary, endure the difficult period.

Irina, age: 27 / 07/06/2015

Hello, Alexandra! I advise you to go to the church to the priest and tell everything in detail. To do this, you just need to come to the temple and ask when there will be an opportunity to talk with the priest, saying that you need life advice. In addition, you can call hotline psychological support for teenagers. Try to find the strength to be kind to your mother and sister. Try not to respond to their attacks and insults; if you are guilty, admit your guilt. I think it’s not every day that someone pushes someone or objects break. Treat things with care, if your mother is raising you alone, of course every damaged thing is like a knife to her heart. It's summer, try to find some hobby, friends, maybe some small income like handing out leaflets... Try to be helpful and friendly at home. Don't isolate yourself! Pray to God more often! Don't worry, everything will work out one way or another! When you grow up a little more, maybe you’ll get married and start your own family! Believe, with God you will overcome everything!

Igor, age: 32 / 07/06/2015

Sasha, honey, hold on. I want to hug you and feel sorry for you, Auntie! It's a pity that relatives can't find common language. I understand your feelings! If you asked me for advice, I would ask my mother and sister to pay attention to me and say that I want to talk. I would ask if they are satisfied with our life like this. If not, I would invite everyone to think about how we can solve this situation, to speak out if anyone is not happy with anything, warning them not to shout. And if they remained silent, said that everything was fine or that this situation suited her, then she silently went to her room, prayed and made a promise to herself that I would try to react less to clashes, I myself would try to be tolerant and polite, ask God for help and believe, that everything will work out if I do this. And Sete would say that this conversation is simply postponed for the time being.
Sasha, if you want kind words, then know that there will be people who love you. And now I worry about you and really wish that everything works out for you, that the scandals end and that you live and feel loved.
Remember that there is God, and since he exists, then we are no longer alone!! When I was once in despair, God's love saved me. I felt it, felt it and understood that I was not alone!!! God is love. Is he with you! Believe it or not, I don’t know..but it’s true.
Hold on, friend!!!

Marina, age: 25 / 07/06/2015

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What to do if there are constant scandals in the family? Does this mean that the relationship has no future? Or is it possible to find ways of a truce?

Quarrels are different, as are the reasons why they arise. But most often quarrels begin in the family due to the banal fatigue of the spouses. Quarrels due to emotional burnout. It is quite difficult to recognize such fatigue, since it is not just physical fatigue, it is also accumulated dissatisfaction. How? Anything! Work, health, husband, finally! Emotional burnout acts like a ticking time bomb. Drop by drop it fills the vessel of our patience, and then once, it overflows.

And then a harmless remark from a husband or one of his phrases can turn into a tsunami, a storm, a hurricane against him. Most often, we lash out at someone who is next to us at moments when we can relax, take off all our masks and be ourselves again. Therefore, the husband is constantly under fire. What to do if there are quarrels in the family due to emotional burnout? Eliminate the cause, not the effect. To understand what this means, let's take a closer look possible reasons emotional burnout:

1. An unloved job where you have to spend a lot of effort. And not only physical, but also mental. What does it mean? That a woman takes energy from her personal reserves. And she needs these reserves for other areas of her life: for her health, for her husband, for herself. And the main leak goes to work. The boss requires it or the circumstances are such. And then she returns home “on the suspense.” There is nowhere to recharge on the road, because to recharge you need rest, a favorite activity, a hobby. And sitting in a crowded minibus or driving your car, but constantly getting stuck in traffic jams, somehow you can’t recharge. And so, tired, she comes home, and there she is greeted by unwashed dishes or a drunken husband. To accept this situation, you also need energy! And she is no longer there. Therefore, any minor reason, and a woman starts a quarrel or even a scandal.

2. Health status. When something is not right with your well-being, it is always exhausting. And accordingly it takes strength and energy. And then even your beloved husband can begin to irritate you. What to do if there are constant scandals in the family precisely because of health conditions? Of course, you should definitely see a doctor, but besides this, think about what your body wants to tell you? What does he want to reach? About 80% of all diseases are our body's way of communicating with us. Therefore, sometimes it is enough to simply change your behavior in a certain situation or attitude towards it, and then the disease recedes. Try to control yourself and not waste your remaining energy trying to sort out your relationship with your husband; it’s better to spend it on.

3. Dissatisfaction with life. This is the longest path to emotional burnout, since this same dissatisfaction does not arise after a week, month or even a year. It can ripen for a very long time, slowly affecting your mood. You may simply feel that something is wrong. That you are not happy with your life, and why you may not even realize it. When you finally realize, this will be a milestone, after which the energy will begin to flow away with even greater force. Because understanding that you are living in vain and continuing to live like this requires great strength. Breakdowns, by the way, occur according to the same pattern, and it is the husband who is constantly under attack. Therefore, you still need to change what does not satisfy you and as soon as possible, since your family relationships are already under threat.

4. Husband. This is the most difficult and even dangerous option. If your husband is not happy with something and you remain silent, then you are setting off a time bomb with your own hands. Resentment towards a loved one is at first acute, then develops into chronic. And then all your husband’s efforts to please you, all his gifts and compliments will be crushed against this bag of your grievances. Who will you make worse by this? To yourself and your husband, and your relationship. Dissatisfaction with your husband also takes a lot of energy, and it becomes a vicious circle, from which it is difficult to get out alone. What to do if there are constant scandals in the family precisely because the husband is to blame? Don't be silent! Talk about your pain, resentment, suspicions. Talk about your feelings! This will be fair to him, to your union.

A scandal in the family is not only stories from the yellow press about the lives of celebrities or very important people, but also a routine for ordinary families: lack of money, inappropriate behavior or attitude of a partner, suspicions of infidelity... There are many reasons for conflict, but it is better to build relationships without them ...

How to prevent family scandals

They say that in pre-Orthodox times, long before Domostroy, every family had a tradition of “making love” on Saturdays. It's not what you might think. Simply, the two halves of the family told what they were unhappy with, irritated, or didn’t like in their partner’s behavior and attitude, while listening carefully to each other. Perhaps there was no such tradition, but you can introduce it in order to avoid scandals in the family. We’re just saying everything that doesn’t suit you, don’t be shy about it: an adequate husband or wife will understand and try to fix it.

We also try not to provoke our other half with stupid phrases from the series “I told you a thousand times”, “Don’t you understand”, “You are just like your mother”, “But you yourself...” and much more from your parents’ repertoire. Unfortunately, mom and dad may be wrong, but you can live differently.

Better together. Joint activities are simply necessary in the family, and this does not mean watching TV in the evening. Let you have common hobbies, be it art or sports, raising children, etc. It is important here not to criticize your spouse’s mistakes too much.

If something doesn’t work out in the family, you don’t need to reduce your demands on yourself or your significant other. There is nothing more humiliating for a husband, and a woman should be so high level so that her husband would follow her. Develop together, communicate with a variety of people, spend vacations together, read and attend interesting events.

What else will help prevent scandals in the family. Just learn to look at people positively and never offend your spouse behind the scenes, for example, by telling how bad he (she) is to your friends.

When family scandals threaten your health?

Any conflicts can be resolved. The ability to listen to each other, the wisdom of your wife, and the help of a psychologist will come in handy here. But sometimes it will be easier to end a relationship than to later treat the psyche, soul, and body.

It is better to end the relationship if the spouse is not only manically jealous or envious, but also an energy vampire. Provoking a scandal, they expect an outburst of anger, despair and indignation from you, and then, fed with energy, they go to work or communicate with friends as if nothing had happened, leaving you in a dilapidated state.

If after quarrels you feel lethargic and lose your ability to work, this means that during a scandal, all your energy is taken away from you. However, there is a way out here that allows you not to break off the relationship. It is important here not to succumb to his provocations, not to let the vampire hook you: agree and smile. If you stop getting out of balance, then they will no longer provoke you into a scandal.

How to stop scandals in the family

1. Don't see your spouse as an enemy. He is not the only one to blame for the discord in the family and as long as you believe that your wife or husband is your opponent who needs to be crushed under you. You will not be able to resolve conflicts together.
2. Try to reduce meaningless conversations and reproaches to action. Ask how you should react to bad actions towards you, what you can come up with to prevent this negative reaction from happening, etc.
3. Take a break. If you don’t have the strength to remain silent, just go for a walk, go to the bath, or go to your room. But what you can’t do is ostentatiously go to your laptop or read a magazine. This is even more annoying.
4. Read sign language. If the spouse closed himself off, crossing his legs and arms, then now is not the time to resolve conflicts. At the same time, if your spouse’s fingers look up, he feels his own superiority and will rebuff you. If the fingers are not visible or the thumbs are hidden, the spouse feels discomfort and is not at all ready to resolve the conflict. Watch your own body language too. Do not lower your arms along your body and do not give signals that you may become a victim.
5. Don't get personal or go off topic. If the quarrel revolves around a broken wardrobe that has been standing for a year, there is no need to remember that last week the husband came drunk in the middle of the night.
6. Be sure to make compromises and concessions. This also applies to men. In small things, everything can be done according to your spouse’s wishes, but in serious moments, do not shout down your husband or wife.
7. Change your tactics or topic. If the fact that the closet has been broken for a whole year is annoying, thank your loved one for babysitting for mom on Friday.
8. Always be ready to hear and listen. This does not mean that you need to remain phlegmatically silent while he says something. If you ask again or agree, it means you also want to resolve this conflict peacefully. At the same time, you should not be an “examiner,” that is, listen carefully and try to catch your significant other in a lie or something unacceptable to you. The behavior of the “examiner” will infuriate you even more.
9. There is no need to consider yourself a victim and your partner an evil aggressor. You probably also have a lot of offenses on your conscience that can ruin the happiest family life.
10. To stop scandals forever, you need to work for a long time both with the reasons and on your own. But you can try and this is the way. Keep a diary of conflicts: what date, why. Together, figure out whether this helps solve real problems. And then you can punish the one who started the scandal. If the showdown is devoted to the topic “Who is in charge here,” try to give in one by one.

How to behave after a scandal?

It is unlikely that it will be possible to make peace right away. A woman needs to forgive her husband, but not to become intimate with him (including spiritual intimacy). We just silently take care of the house and the child, and if my husband begins to lack tenderness, just say that it was very unpleasant for her when he treated her badly or unfairly.

Here it is important to say what you felt, and not what he, so bad, did. Don't insult him, but talk about your feelings. If he asks to make love, you can refuse and say that you are not ready.

A husband, if he is offended, should also not continue to sort things out, especially in public, or demonstratively leave. It’s just important to ask for forgiveness from the bottom of your heart and try to understand exactly how you offended your other half.

It is necessary to talk after a conflict. There is no need to shout or break dishes or generalize. We just talk quietly and calmly, sharing everything we don’t like about our spouse’s relationship and behavior. The result of the conversation should be some kind of agreement, within the framework of which both husband and wife must make certain concessions. Both of you are guilty, which means the two of you need to answer.

What you don’t need to do is humiliate yourself and beg for forgiveness on your knees, promising vacations on all the islands at once and daily dinners in the best restaurants. Don't take all the blame (and this applies to both husbands and wives). So you are only giving a reason for further humiliation. There is no need to “hang” on this story and remember it all the time.

You shouldn't be stubborn either. It is difficult for men to say “I’m sorry,” even if the repentance is sincere. Meet halfway, do not give ultimatums. Be gentle. Everything said above also applies to husbands.

At the end of the conflict, draw conclusions. And even if you didn’t quite understand what your wife or husband demanded of you, then at least admit it to yourself.

When the conflict is over, you can arrange romantic date(even within your own room), arrange a surprise for your loved one: the war is over and family life can begin from the very beginning.

Family scandal: good or evil?

No matter how the mood deteriorates after conflicts, it is important to remember that a family scandal is not an apocalypse, but a part of life. In addition, if there are two leaders in your couple, there will always be a showdown. In fact, this is better than silence and silence: it is unknown what the hidden discontent will ultimately grow into. And yet, life without scandals is more pleasant, and people can benefit from them energy vampires. Therefore, always listen to each other and let your loved one speak out. Learning to understand your loved one is easier than making trouble and insulting.

The spouse is constantly angry, often without reason, gets worked up over every little thing, and is rude, as a result of which life together becomes more and more unbearable every day. And yet, despite this, you still live together because you love him and don’t want to leave him. But it is no longer possible to live with constant scandals and quarrels. How to prevent a quarrel or reduce it to nothing?

Living life is not a field to cross. This phrase can also be applied to family relationships. It is no secret that there are simply no families in life in which quarrels between spouses never occur. It's unpleasant, but true. Moreover, this phenomenon is inevitable. Only some couples may not talk for a long time after a quarrel, while for others this phenomenon results in a huge scandal with breaking dishes. By the way, quarrels tend to arise out of nowhere (due to garbage not being taken out, dirty plates, dirty socks scattered around the apartment, or just ordinary fatigue, jealousy, etc.). Regardless of the cause, conflicts arise constantly, as a result of which people argue regularly and vigorously, and then greatly regret it. Why is this happening? And what should you do in this case?

Causes of quarrels.
In our dreams of married life, we imagine it as a passionate and romantic relationship throughout our lives. But in reality, life makes its own adjustments. Over time, romance evaporates from once passionate relationships loving friend people's friend, giving way to endless everyday problems that put so much pressure on the nerves. And at one point, a couple may quarrel over any little thing so much that they consider divorce the only way out of the current situation.

Constant quarrels and showdowns with her husband have a depressing effect on the body, cause depression and insomnia, reducing performance and quality of life. And the reason for this is the inability or unwillingness to give in or compromise with each other. We respond to aggression with aggression, anger, shouting, swearing - everything is used to prove that we are right. After everything calms down, often most couples cannot even remember the reason for the raging scandal, regretting and lamenting their inability to keep their own emotions under control.

Very often, the reason for aggressive behavior on the part of one of the spouses lies in his past. Namely, if such behavior was the norm in the relationship of his parents, then one should not be surprised that the person will behave in exactly the same way. He simply has no example of other behavior, without shouting, noise and scandals. He wasn't taught this. Another common cause aggression on the part of one of the spouses in a relationship is low self-esteem, when the other tries to assert itself at the expense of one.

Some factors, such as ordinary stress, illness, constant fatigue or physical discomfort can provoke an outburst of rage even in a very calm person. I won’t go far, for example, everyone knows the state of exhaustion after a hard day at work, especially in the summer heat, when your head hurts terribly and your whole body aches. At such moments it is quite difficult to be in a friendly mood.

It also happens that aggressive behavior arises on the way to the implementation of plans, when the other half creates obstacles to this. For example, he is very tired and wants to go to bed early, but you want to go to a club or movie and you drag him along with you. It is not difficult to guess that in most cases this situation ends in a strong quarrel.

Very often, a spouse takes out on his other half the grievances that were inflicted on him by someone else. For example, he received a “good” scolding from his boss, someone took his car’s usual parking spot in the parking lot, they were rude in the store, etc. As a result, for all this, he takes his anger out on his beloved woman, who fell under the hot hand. And in retaliation she simply answers him in kind. It is precisely because of such trivial moments that families most often break up.

How to avoid a quarrel?
Of course, you can find plenty of reasons to be angry. But each person has their own reaction to this, and most often it is relatives and friends who suffer. What to do then? How to deal with often causeless aggression and outbursts of rage without taking it out on loved ones?

It should be noted that even if spouses have been living together for decades, they still remain different people. It is impossible to do as your other half wants all your life. And that's okay. IN in this case Conflicts in the family are inevitable, but they can occur very rarely or take place in a milder form.

Remember, never, even with very strong desire to prove that you are right, do not quarrel with your spouse in the presence of relatives, friends, or simply in front of strangers. Inevitably, they will have to take sides in your conflict. And it’s not a fact that it’s on yours, especially if these are relatives and friends from your husband’s side. This will only fuel passions. In addition, you will put your friends in an uncomfortable position. In this case, it is better to calm down and postpone the conversation until a more convenient moment. In a calm state, having rethought everything, the cause of the conflict will be looked at from a different angle.

If a quarrel cannot be avoided, in no case should you use insults and humiliate your husband, because a man’s pride is oh, how vulnerable! Such behavior can encourage the faithful to search for someone who will appreciate and respect him. And he will always be able to find one, no doubt!

To prevent a quarrel over a trifle, it is important to discuss every sensitive issue with him in a timely manner, without being afraid, to lay out everything that worries you. But you also need to “lay it out” wisely, having prepared in advance and clearly formulated everything that you intend to tell him. Only after this can you start a sincere conversation.

Before you throw accusations at your spouse, think about whether your spouse is really to blame? Maybe his action isn’t worth a damn, maybe it can be calmly experienced and forgotten? Very often, because of any trifle, we women work ourselves up too much, and then in a rage we throw out everything that has accumulated on a man. Therefore, it is better to wait a few hours before talking. Maybe, having calmed down, you will understand that the reason is not worth quarreling with your loved one.

If it is usually your spouse who starts a scandal, try to talk to him frankly, heart to heart, to find out the reason for his such behavior. Perhaps this is what he expects from you. If you do not dare to have such a conversation, it is likely that he will find someone with whom he will be frank. And then he will go to her altogether. Forever.

Sometimes the reason for a husband's nagging and temper can be something specific. By observing it, you can figure it out and fix it. Well, if your husband is annoyed by literally everything, maybe then you should live apart for a while. Sometimes this helps, and relationships between spouses who have taken a break from each other begin to improve again.

In general, for quarrels to arise in family life as little as possible, it is important to immediately arrange family life and build communication with your loved one in such a way that any unpleasant mistake by each other seems like a trifle and could be calmly experienced. You can do some kind of sport together. This will not only relieve unnecessary stress, but will also benefit your self-esteem and your relationships. After all, nothing brings people together like a pleasant pastime.

The woman herself plays a big role in the frequency of family quarrels. Value yourself and don’t allow yourself to be humiliated or raised your voice for no reason. Maybe your confidence and ignoring his violent attacks will weaken the negativity splashed out at you. However, negative emotions should not be addressed to him, and mocking notes should not slip into his tone of voice. Try to praise your spouse more often, but to the point, appreciating his merits. Try to accept the existing shortcomings graciously.

If a quarrel does happen, learn to reconcile correctly.

Reconciliation after a scandal with her husband.
Before you try to improve your relationship with your husband, you should wait a little to give him the opportunity to calm down and cool down yourself. It is necessary to comprehend everything, understand what happened, and only then act. Begin reconciliation first for many women, especially if conflict situation husbands are wrong, is something beyond the pale, unworthy. However, there is nothing wrong with taking the first step towards reconciliation. And if you are the initiator of the conflict, this must be done!

If the other half is not yet in the mood to enter into a dialogue with you, you should not put pressure in this case. We should give him a little more time, let him cool his ardor. If, as you think, he has been sulking at you for too long, you can write him a letter, putting on paper everything that is difficult to say in person, looking eye to eye. And when the moment of personal communication finally arrives, you can let in not only kind words, but also gentle touches, stroking and kissing. This will perfectly defuse the situation and relieve the tension that inevitably arises at the beginning of the conversation.

If the spouse continues to remain silent for several days, you should use more original methods, for example, prepare a surprise. Just don’t need to use sexy lingerie or erotic games in this case. Conquer good attitude husband through sex - not very good idea. A man may take this as an insult, because this is an open hint that the animal instinct of the strong half of humanity dominates everything else. And it looks, to put it mildly, vulgar. In this case, even if a man falls for your seductive behavior, after sex the irritation will return to him again. And everything will start all over again.

A romantic dinner for two can be a great surprise. It doesn’t matter at home or in a restaurant, with quiet music, you can whisper words of love in his ear, tell him how sorry you are for what happened, that you want to forget it all as soon as possible. Finding the right words at such a moment will not be difficult. In such an environment, it is unlikely that any man can resist.

In general, you should talk more with your significant other, find out in a calm and interested tone what’s bothering him, talk about your love, which needs to be protected, and not destroyed by daily quarrels over an unwashed plate or the garbage that hasn’t been taken out.

Subject - Scandals of the House » Eleven Wise Tips for Anti-Scandals.

1) You need to understand: in quarrels or scandals, no one can ever prove anything to anyone. “Can you really prove anything to him?!” This applies equally to each participant in the quarrel, since a negative emotional impact blocks the ability to accept, agree, take into account, understand, i.e. it stops the work of thought. This means that there is no need to try to prove something when one of the parties is in a state of negative arousal.

2) If you want to learn how to avoid scandals and quarrels, first you need a conscious refusal to quarrel, elevated to a principle. In practice, it transforms into setting your entire behavior towards this refusal - stubborn, persistent!

3) If it just so happens that you, unnoticed by yourself, find yourself drawn into a quarrel, the main thing is to remember: you need to shut up! Do not demand from the “enemy” - “shut up!”, “stop it!”, but from yourself! It is easier to achieve this from yourself than from others.

4) Silence makes it possible to get out of a quarrel. It’s simple: for a quarrel, for a conflict, for a scandal, the participation of two parties is necessary, and if one disappears, who should you quarrel with?

5) If neither participant is inclined to stop the conflict, both are quickly overwhelmed by negative emotional arousal. His tension is rapidly increasing. In such a “dialogue,” the mutual reactions of the participants only add fuel to the fire. Negative emotional arousal in one person can never reduce the same arousal in another, they only mutually reinforce each other. To extinguish this excitement, you need to remove what reinforces it. That's why someone needs to shut up.

6) Silence should not be offensive to your partner. If it is tinged with mockery, gloating and defiance, it can act like a red rag on a bull. In order for the scandal to stop, you need to silently ignore the very fact of the quarrel, the very negative arousal of your partner, as if none of this happened!

7) You should in every possible way avoid verbally stating your partner’s negative emotional state (“Well, I’ve reached into the bottle!”, “Why are you nervous, why are you angry?”, “Why are you angry!”), since this only strengthens and strengthens it.

8) You can stop the quarrel by calmly leaving the room. But if you slam the door or say something offensive before leaving, you can cause a terrible effect, destructive force. There are known tragic cases caused precisely by the offensive word “towards the end”.

9) If you are silent and your partner is inclined to view your refusal to quarrel as capitulation, it is better not to refute this. Pause until it cools down. That is, the position of the one who refused the quarrel should completely exclude anything offensive or offensive to the partner, so that nothing reinforces his negative emotional arousal. The winner is not the one who leaves behind the last striking attack, but the one who manages to stop the scandal and prevent it from happening.

10) Children adopt our attitude towards quarrels and scandals. And to peace. War can only be defeated by renunciation of war. We need to teach children to give up quarrels. And this is achieved primarily through the power of adults’ own example.

11) Quarrels, family scandals and conflicts at school - all this also turns into children's fears, a feeling of hopeless deprivation, neurotic development, psychopathy and sociopathy, feeblemindedness and desocialization, including death... Too expensive a price for our desire in a quarrel - to hurt more painfully !