The woman tries to dominate the relationship. How to dominate in a relationship with a man, but do it quietly and wisely. Why a man is attracted to dominance in a relationship
Women love power - and in relationships too, why hide it. But women's power is always different from men's - both in world politics and in more everyday issues. If you don’t yet know how to take relationships into your own hands, then here I will tell you what the behavior of a dominant girl looks like, how to be her and manipulate a guy, and how in general a woman dominates a man.
Selection of a dating site
What does it mean to “dominate” and does a woman need it?
Dominance is, roughly speaking, dominance and suppression. But it looks different in different cases, because there are many ways to gain power over a person. There is no single definition of dominance, and everyone chooses their own way to manipulate others.
For a long time, dominance was an exclusively male prerogative: historically, the role of women was never the main one, and only feminism drew society’s attention to this issue.
Another difficulty is that there has never been and never will be a single standard. And under the patriarchal system, not in all couples the dominant position was occupied by the man. And now, in an era of burgeoning feminism and equality, not all women want to take leadership. Society may offer us some model, but it never happens that absolutely everyone follows it.
- Dominance is built on suppressing someone else's will, forcing others to act in your interests.
- The process itself can look like violence, and remain completely invisible even to the one who is being suppressed.
Basically, this is the main difference between male and female dominance: women do everything softer. The role is closer to them eminence grise, who carefully controls others without their knowledge. It happens differently, but more often women manipulate softly, secretly and carefully, while men manipulate more harshly and directly. It's not for nothing that dominant guys are often called alphas, while alpha women don't exist.
Dominance itself involves manipulation and suppression of a partner - which is an ethically rather controversial position. Of course, the “eminence grise method” does not humiliate a man, but you are depriving him of a chance for honest interaction. This makes the relationship unequal: in essence, you do not choose your partner’s personality, but devalue it, using the person as a tool. There are many good ways, which both you and him will like.
Many people think that dominance is the way to be the undisputed leader in a relationship, but this is a mistake. There are no unconditional leaders here: your partner will still do things in his own way and even by his very presence influence your decisions and actions.
- In principle, it is more difficult for women to be dominant: men historically are not used to being submissive. We have to look for deceptive ways so as not to violate existing gender stereotypes. A dominant girl always walks a tightrope in a relationship with a guy: if her actions are discovered, she will be in danger. Therefore, few women choose this path: it is easier and safer to either be honest, or not try to suppress the young man in principle.
- Whether it is necessary to dominate - each girl decides for herself. It depends on personal qualities, partner, goals - relationships and life.
- If male dominance can be divided into types according to the method of manipulation, then with female dominance it is more complicated: it is not possible to push a man around directly. Therefore, the types of female dominance are more difficult to define: almost impossible. Except for subtle differences in technology.
Regardless of gender, dominance has four unshakable rules on which it is based. This is the distribution of roles, responsibilities and involvement:
- The dominant, that is, the leader, is more selfish than the slave. He values himself above his partner and relationships, and is confident that his needs are more important than both. The follower is inspired by this feeling and is afraid of losing the relationship, which only reinforces the selfishness and permissiveness of the leader. It turns out to be a vicious circle in which one person has more and more power, and the other has less and less power.
- The one who is less in love has more power. Falling in love gives dependence and vulnerability - we are afraid of losing our partner and make more concessions. The one who is less in love values himself more. And vice versa: a jealous person who worries about relationships, is afraid of losing them, throws tantrums - is more dependent. He allows the other to manipulate his emotions and turns out to be a slave.
- The dominant is more self-sufficient. The partner who has many other reasons for joy in life besides relationships is less dependent. The loss of a relationship is undesirable for him, but not so critical, since it is not the main thing in life, not the only priority. Therefore, he experiences quarrels more easily and is more inclined to adapt relationships to his needs. While a person for whom relationships are the main thing is ready to bend greatly for his partner.
- The one who invests more in the relationship is more dependent. The harder we try and work on them, the more we value them and the more we do not to lose this relationship. This also works in reverse side: if another person got a relationship for practically nothing, if he didn’t have to put a lot of effort into it, he doesn’t value it so highly and behaves freely.
How can a woman dominate a man?
The most effective thing a woman can do is dominate a man in communication. It's enough to just ask. A secret game that is difficult to recognize. It requires high skills and long training - to tell a man something in time that will change his mind and force him to act in the interests of the woman. Ideally, the substitution occurs in such a way that the man is happy with it: there should also be some benefit for him.
- In dominance and manipulation, the benefit of the follower plays an important role. If it doesn’t exist, then there will be no reason to obey and bend, and the man will simply leave the relationship.
- Because of the structure of society, even those who are weaker and more inclined to follow the position do not accept the idea that a woman can be subordinated. Therefore, her reasonable solution is to make sure that the man does not feel submissive.
- This effect is achieved by manipulating mood and pleasure. A woman gets upset if a man does something that doesn't suit her. And he is happy if he gets what he wants. In the case of manipulation, she makes both of them brighter than she actually feels - in order to influence the man more strongly and more clearly convey the necessary signals to him.
- It is most convenient to build manipulation on a system of carrots and sticks - reward and punish. But do it subtly and gracefully: there is no need for open revenge or too obvious encouragement. All this happens through a demonstration of changing moods and its consequences. A man wants to see his girlfriend happy, so he tries for her. He quickly learns what brings her pleasure and what makes her give up. Over time, he begins to recognize her states quite quickly and adjust his actions, receiving the lightest signals.
Therefore, female dominance is not about suppression and rigidity. This is about your own weakness and the ability to use it. The strength of female manipulators lies precisely in their weakness. To learn how to properly dominate a man with words, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and show them correctly.
How a girl can learn to dominate: basic rules
To understand how to control a man, you have to learn a lot. Evaluate again whether the result is worth the effort - after all, a man can not only be manipulated. Negotiating and playing fair is an equally worthy strategy. And perhaps more effective.
If you have decided on a goal, then here are the rules that will help you learn subtle manipulation of your mood.
- Watch how your emotions are expressed. What do you do when you are happy, upset, angry, which ones are brighter and which ones are suppressed.
- Collect role examples: Among your acquaintances or favorite fictional characters, there will be those from whom you can learn to express emotions. Some people are so happy that everyone around them is in a better mood, others are so angry that they immediately let anyone know exactly how not to treat them. Observe this, try to adopt specific techniques: intonation, gestures, facial expressions, general mood and intensity of reaction.
- Practice on others: try to control the behavior of other people, not your partner. Start with those who are easier to influence. When you get the hang of it, move on to more difficult “goals”. You have your own strategy that suits you. Hone it before transferring it to relationships.
- Keep an eye on your partner's and other people's moods as you exercise. If your partner is busy, going through something of his own, or tired, it will be more difficult for him to see and understand what you are trying to convey to him.
- Learn to predict actions, study the logic of human behavior. Start with reactions: before each action, think about how the person will react. At first you will make mistakes, but over time you will begin to predict reactions and actions more accurately.
- Build independence. By manipulating a man, you risk at any moment not taking something into account, ruining and losing the game. The result is either a big scandal followed by suspicion of your every action, or a breakup.
- Don't lose yourself. You are starting a big game, and there is a high risk of forgetting what it was all about. Managing a man is not an end in itself. It is a tool for getting something you want. Identify what you want right away and don’t forget about it in the process. If you notice that the game is no longer worth the candle, do not delay changes: either you need another man, or a different strategy.
- Be sensitive to your chosen partner. If he is an expert in psychology or is inclined to dominate himself, it is better to leave the idea or choose someone else.
A situation may arise when you don’t know what to do if a guy likes to dominate. In this case, you will have to either turn the situation in your favor, or adjust, or find another guy. You run the risk of not being able to handle it, and this can be dangerous.
What limits should you not go beyond?
Female dominance is subtler than male dominance, so it has more restrictions, boundaries and rules. And compliance with them becomes a matter of safety, since usually a man is stronger and poses more of a threat than a woman.
So here's what to avoid:
- Don't push. If a man doesn’t want to do something, this is not a reason to push harder, it’s a reason to look for another lever of influence.
- Avoid being too harsh.
- Don't suppress your emotions, don't forget that they should look bright.
- Avoid too subtle hints; men usually don’t understand them. Try to act and speak as simply and directly as possible.
- Do not build overly complex schemes, act step by step.
- Don't allow yourself to be manipulated.
- Don’t let go of control over the situation so as not to allow the unexpected to happen and not have to deal with dire consequences.
Manipulating a man is simple, not easy—to learn. Go to , choose the portal you like, chat with guys and improve your domination skills.
- Has this article made you more determined?
- Are you ready to put in enough effort to achieve a quality result?
- Have you ever manipulated a man by accident?
Eduard, Ulan-Ude, 39 years old
From Roman’s video courses, I learned that seducing girls can be easy and simple and you don’t have to have a lot of money or be a delusional pitt! I improved, although I was before the training complete zero, so to speak. Roman changed me, he is truly a practical trainer, he publishes excellent courses...Ivan, Saratov, 33 years old
Good video courses that contain neither fluff nor empty words - only specifics and valuable information on all aspects of the course topics. The dates are discussed in great detail. The relationships are shown in detail and clearly. After studying both courses, I can safely say that there are no more questions. There is only a desire to develop and achieve success. Thank you, Roman, for your invaluable work on the courses!Peter, Omsk, 22 years old
I received individual training from Roman Vinilov on the topic of dating and getting to know girls. All classes were very productive. There were many exercises that gave results instantly. Roman showed his skills, gave advice, motivated. I learned a lot, understood a lot and am very glad that I studied with Roman. For this reason, I even came to Novosibirsk from distant Tyumen)Sergey, Tyumen, 26 years old
Roman, I want to express my gratitude for the fact that your course changed my life dramatically and for the better! I couldn’t believe that after a few weeks of studying your course I would already have the first significant results!Ilya, Riga, 23 years old
I received the book by email and started studying... so much useful information and no water! Thank you, Roman, for such hard work...Ivan, Serpukhov, 21 years old
Rum, well, I seduced that girl I told you about... I spent 2 whole years pursuing her, but to no avail. Your course upgraded me and now I’m just happy!!! and only ONE WEEK!!!Mikhail, Omsk, 25 years old
Your course on relationships, Roman, opened my eyes to reality. Previously, I imagined everything completely differently and was very mistaken. Now everything has changed and I am building a full-fledged quality relationship with the girl of my dreams!Vladimir, Khabarovsk, 23 years old
I spent the first date according to your course and according to your advice - damn, the girl herself began to seduce me!!! This works amazingly, I did not expect such an effect. Now I go on dates all the time, several times a day - out of 10, 8 end in sex, and 5 of them on the first date!!!Evgeniy, Novosibirsk, 22 years old
Thank you for your newsletter lessons and books. Although they are free, the information they contain is very valuable! I spent a whole year scouring the Internet for information on how to seduce girls on a date, there was nothing worthwhile... just a pickup truck, RMS, some Western things... and then I got acquainted with your work. That's what our Russian guys are missing! Everything is our way, for real, without falsehood. I really liked your approach to seduction. Not stupid sex, but something more... although for those who only want sex, that’s the same thing))) I wanted a relationship with a beautiful girl and got it thanks to your lessons. Thank you, Rom!Alexander, Moscow, 26 years old
Your advice helped me a lot. Only 4 Skype conferences and I learned how to have dates and get sex on them without spending a lot of extra time, nerves, money and everything else) Success is not difficult! The main thing is to learn from a good coach. It's such a novel :)Vsevolod, Minsk, 22 years old
How could I seduce before beautiful girls? No way. No car, no apartment. But after undergoing training with Roman Vinilov, I did the impossible. I’ve changed myself so much that girls are now just staring at me!!! It’s very cool to study with Roman, the motivation is effective, the kicks are magical, the experience is limitless. I am very glad that I once became acquainted with such a person as Roman.Artyom, Samara, 24 years old
Thank you, Roman, for your courses and advice! They always help, I’m very glad that I know you and your materials.Ilya, Novosibirsk, 22 years old
Any interaction is subject to some kind of system: in the context of friendly or love relationship You can always identify a partner-leader and a follower. The first sets the rules, sets the direction, the second obeys them, bending in many ways. It’s good if the unspoken leader in the family is a man whose power is based on logic and common sense. It’s bad when a woman, an inherently emotional and in some ways even irrational being, takes control.
How to gain dominance in a relationship by forcing others to reckon with themselves? Read 6 laws of dominance that will change the balance of power in your favor.
1 law. The one with the higher social status dominates
At the first stage, stereotypes work, which means that by default we give the reins of power to someone who is older, stronger, more beautiful, more experienced or richer than us. This reflex is triggered for the reason that as children we were taught to respect our elders, to reckon with directors and bosses, and to look up to the celebrities of the local court. Society has instilled the idea that such people are more important than ourselves. And until they prove otherwise, it really works.
2nd law. The one in power is the one who is self-sufficient
Let’s imagine a picture: there is a man and a woman, for one, love is only a part of life, for the other it is the concentration of all meanings. Which one will be the main one? Naturally, one who knows how to derive pleasure from many sources - work, hobbies, sports, creativity. But a person who does not see the meaning without love turns into a slave, becomes dependent on a partner and his decisions, losing the right to steer. Inner self-sufficiency makes us free and strong. Dependence narrows the circle of authority, forces you to suffer and make any sacrifices in the name of the only source of happiness.
3 law. The one who invests less dominates
It sounds paradoxical, but it is true! The more a person invests energy, money, emotions and attention into a relationship, the more valuable he makes it to himself and becomes a follower. Think about it, we don’t value what is given to us for free. But if we have to fight for happiness with our fists, step on our own throats in the name of our partner, sacrifice our desires and capabilities, it turns out that the other person is more significant to us than ourselves. That is, we recognize his power over us. This is why gift-giving and over-caring do not work, but only devalue our self even more.
4th law. The leader is the partner who does not attach importance to emotions
Why is the dominant role more suitable for a man? Because he is by nature more rational and emotionally restrained, in contrast to the sensual female nature, which lives by sensations. If a person throws hysterics, is jealous, sheds rivers of tears, is offended, worries - this is the first sign that he is a follower in a relationship. Another marker is that at the helm there is always someone who loves less, because he is emotionally closed, which means he is guided by reason.
5 law. The dominant has a habit of evaluating
Who has the right to evaluate us and criticize our mistakes? Parents, teachers, bosses are people above us in position or status. This is why the one who takes on the role of evaluator in a relationship will always be superior to the partner he is evaluating. While the second one will strive to please in order to earn flattering praise from his partner.
6 law. The dominant partner is more selfish
A selfish person values himself and personal comfort above the decisions of his partner; it is easier for him to be the first to start a conflict or break off a relationship. Why? He considers himself better, more beautiful, smarter or luckier than others - and this is his privilege. He may not be like that, but confidence in his own irresistibility automatically increases his importance in the eyes of others. At the same time, the dependent partner will put himself and his desires in last place, will value the relationship so much that he will make any concessions just to reconcile - and this is his weakness. Fear of loss and low self-esteem make him dependent, allowing others to take advantage of and manipulate his desires.
conclusions
From all of the above, we can conclude that a huge mistake is made by men who cling to their partner as if they were a life preserver, shower her with gifts, allow her to wipe her feet on them, pump up her rights and limit their freedom in every possible way. With such antics, a woman does not fight for power, but tests a man’s strength, wants to understand who is in front of her - a winner or a dummy. If a man continues to bend to her “wants” and endure humiliating antics, she loses interest in him, such a partner ceases to be valuable. That's why you need to build up your self-esteem and maintain a sober mind.
The dominant person is not the one who is guided by the irrational “I want”, “I will do everything for you” and “I will break into pieces”, but the one who is emotionally stable, who values his desires above his relationship with his partner. Only a self-sufficient person who knows his own worth, who puts himself first, is capable of being a leader. However, any power imposes obligations; a person pays a great price for the opportunity to play by his own rules - his heart remains closed to love, he cannot be completely sincere, and therefore receives many times less positive emotions in relationships. This is the price of leadership.
In any human relationship, someone is constantly dominating someone. More common is the constant dominance of one person over another. For example, in a parent-child relationship, or a friend-friend relationship, or a man and a woman. There is always someone who sets the “rules of the game” and someone who follows them. It is normal if in a relationship between a man and a woman the leader or dominant in the relationship is the man. Every man wants to dominate the family, but not everyone can be the leader. After all, it’s not at all easy to be a dominant man, as it seems to many guys at first glance. Who is able to be the head and leader in a relationship with a woman? Obviously, he is an alpha male: psychology calls him the dominant one in a relationship.
What kind of fruit is this: an alpha male?
Alpha male - who is he?
First of all, he is an undisputed leader. And it doesn’t matter where: at work, in a company or with family. Most often, such a man leads everywhere. For him this is normal, natural and natural. Most especially young guys only copy this behavior, while not being a leader by nature. The quality of a leader in a man greatly attracts girls and women.
An alpha male is strong in everything. But this means not only physical strength. Male psychology is right in that a truly strong man controls, first of all, himself, his emotions and knows how to remain calm and sober in almost any situation. stressful situation. He will not be confused, he will find a way out even from a seemingly hopeless situation. His sober, critical thinking will not turn off at the moment of impending danger - physical or psychological. He skillfully takes control of the situation, not allowing circumstances to control him.
An alpha man a priori has courage, but his courage is by no means akin to the recklessness of many guys trying to look like a strong leader. He will not get into trouble, endangering himself and the woman.
Such a man has deep feeling self-respect. He respects not only himself, but also his choice; he does not even consider his mistakes to be stupidity, but only a step towards a new experience of self-confidence. Women can sense such a leader a kilometer away.
An alpha male is certainly competitive, but in a smart way. He proves his superiority only in the area where he is confident in his strength, intelligence and dexterity.
A dominant man is capable of violating existing rules when he is confident not only in his result and victory, but also in the fact that he will not harm other people. In general, he uses his power wisely and only where he sees a clear need for its use.
A dominant man is endowed with power, charisma and intelligence, so he is the most naturally knows how to inspire others and lead. This is the kind of man women strive to find.
He is conscious – i.e. is aware of where he is going, why and what he will get as a result. It is on these qualities that other people and women in particular trust him. But what about male dominance in relationships?
Dominance in relationships
Yes, in the relationship between a man and a woman, everything does not happen as smoothly and ideally as in the description of an alpha male. Firstly, where can we find such men for all willing women, secondly, does each of us women agree to be led and thirdly, is a real leader always dominant in a family?
The answer to the first part of the question is disappointing; the second part should be determined by each woman herself, but let’s try to figure out the third part together.
As a rule, the dominant in a relationship is the one who is higher in status. Social status. He often leads everywhere: both at work and in relationships. Although there are exceptions. At work - a leader, at home - a follower.
As practice shows, power in the family belongs to the one who is more confident in himself. And that's okay. After all, relationships and family are a considerable piece of responsibility, and who, if not a self-confident person, is ready to take it on?
As a rule, this is a man. Why? Let's watch.
For most women, the meaning of life is love. For a man, everything is different. The meaning of his life lies not only in love and relationships, but also in professional victories, creativity, and sports. Those. a man has a certain “immunity” against dependence on relationships. Even after losing a relationship, a man still has plenty of other sources of joy. And this is a kind of factor of a man’s freedom in a relationship, which is why a priori he has the steering wheel. It turns out that the one who is more self-sufficient dominates.
It is difficult to argue with the fact that in relationships between a man and a woman, the one who is less dependent on them always dominates. This means that he invests less of his resources in them: effort, time, money and feelings. This is why relationships between men and women are valued differently. We do not value what comes easily, but we hold on tightly to what we have won with such difficulty! And the paradox is that by winning a partner, he becomes more significant to you than you yourself. It turns out that you initially recognize his (her) power over you. Therefore, the overly expressed concern of one of the partners, as a rule, a woman for a man, is more annoying, devaluing her status in the relationship. Let me emphasize: too much!
Why else do we observe male dominance much more often in relationships than female dominance?
Yes, because the one who controls the relationship is the one who relies more on reason than on emotions and feelings. And this is usually a man. Therefore, dear women, think before you use your emotions, hysterics and ultimatums. After all, these manipulations come from your powerlessness and harm both you and the relationship.
A dominant man, according to psychology, has a certain set of characteristics that allow him to maintain his leading position in relationships and family. A dominant man has developed the habit of always evaluating what he sees. Management at work, parents, some acquaintances and friends also behave this way. A similar thing happens in relationships - one evaluates, the other tries to match his taste and wishes, trying to “earn” praise or a compliment.
The one who values himself and his desires above his partner, who can be the first to break off the relationship, tries to dominate in a relationship. And it's a man again. It is he who manages the relationship, considering himself smarter, stronger and more significant. But this is ideal, but in practice this is not always the case.
Often in a relationship, a woman simply gets used to giving in, compromising, trying to avoid quarrels, scandals and breakups. At the same time, she can be smarter and better than men. And this is not always an insecure woman. Decent women often become dependent. But those who do not yet know, have not revealed themselves and their advantages. This is what we women should really do first!
A man's desire to dominate in a relationship dictates his own rules of behavior in relationships with a woman. A man often manipulates a woman, trying to increase his importance through ostentatious indifference to her.
For example, he does not call, forcing the girl who is stuck on him to call him first. She does not show activity on her part in terms of further dates, and may disappear from her field of vision for a while. He forces the girl to show initiative all the time in order to be able to control her, making her dependent on himself. And at first glance it seems that he is winning. But in practice this is not the case.
This happens when a guy does not love, but only uses a woman to increase his importance. And often in order not to lose the reins of power over her. But it's a loss for him anyway. In the first, it is the cultivation of an addiction that is almost impossible to get rid of, with all that it entails: scandals, accusations, intimidation of suicide and other emotional “charms” on the part of the girl. In the second, there is a risk of losing her completely. In any case, this is a loss for a man: after all, love cannot be achieved by such methods; you can open the trap of love dependence on yourself and only by gaining only a temporary feeling of superiority over a woman. But how long are you ready for such a “surrogate” instead of love?
Male dominance – what should it be?
In a relationship between a man and a woman, the man must undoubtedly be the head. And not because someone wants it so, no! Because it is the nature of a man to be a leader, protector and winner. Even though a man always tries to be right there is common sense. He sometimes uncompromisingly defends his position (sometimes even the wrong one) out of his inherent masculine desire to stand firmly on his own two feet and become even more self-confident. At the same time, it is very important for him to receive confirmation that he is right from the woman he loves. Can someone who lacks self-confidence be a defender of others?
Therefore, we women should not condemn and fear male dominance. We should support a man in his desire to lead and be truly strong, smart and skillful.
Although any power often has its price and sometimes it is too high, so not everyone is ready to pay it. The opportunity to manage, lead, dominate in relationships for those who are not yet a real dominant comes at a considerable price - the heart of such a man, as a rule, remains closed to many manifestations of love. After all, he lives practically only with his head. But this is the price of “immature” dominance.
And how can this be avoided?
It's simple: if there is love, trust, sincerity and openness in a relationship, the man's dominance will be natural and harmonious. Then a man and a woman appear as two different parts of the ONE, complementing, nourishing and strengthening each other, like cells of a single organism. But if there is no love, I am afraid that advice will be powerless.
In fact, everyone rules the world. The baby that is born controls the mother, an obstacle on the road “controls” the car, and the puppy controls the owner. Everyone controls everyone. And dominating in a relationship is not bad at all, it’s bad not to be able to do it.
There are women who seem to want to live next to a strong man, but they nip in the bud his attempts to show his masculinity. Those. their words and deeds are at odds. And there are men who feel the expectations of society, “Come on! Take responsibility! Take the decision into your own hands,” but in reality they themselves do not need this. They would rather cede dominance to their girlfriend in the relationship. It’s more familiar, which means it’s calmer. But at the same time, dissatisfaction in the relationship remains within the couple. She wants masculine, he wants feminine. There are expectations from a partner, they are not met, then the decision comes to change the partner... to the same one. And another turn in the spiral began.
The first rule of dominance: the one who values himself higher dominates and can be the first to break off a relationship.
In a system of relationships, the partner who is more significant always controls. The one who psychologically values himself more feels superior to his partner. Please note that he is not better, but rather considers himself better, values himself more. This is the main idea. The fact is that a person who values himself more is always ready to break the system of relationships, break it down for the sake of his interests and build another one, if necessary. Such a person is always more selfish. The driven partner, on the contrary, always values relationships above his own interests. His personal importance will always be lower. This is a very interesting point, because it triggers an unconscious mechanism: if a partner can leave first, then he can always find something better than me. That is, a person who is ready to be the first to break off a relationship is always psychologically more valuable than his partner. Also, the dominant one always values his decisions above the decisions of his partner, and is more ready to go into conflict, since he is more ready to break up. The dependent partner, on the other hand, strives more for reconciliation, because he is more afraid of losing. Men who constantly make concessions, are afraid to conflict and do not allow themselves to limit a woman’s desires, to put her in her place, automatically give her the power to manage relationships. In such relationships the woman dominates. But a woman does not need power in a relationship. She doesn’t want her deep down even when she fights for her. Having received a rebuff, she will calm down, testing her man’s strength. But having received power, she will not know what to do with it.
Therefore, a serious mistake is made by guys who, when their woman begins to pump up her rights and manipulate her departure, ask her to decide whether she wants to be with them or not. Thus, they give her all control in the relationship, give her the opportunity to dominate and thereby lose the relationship because they lose the remnants of their value to the woman. If they start asking to come back, begging for pity, then they also lose what remains of respect. After this, only pity and disgust are evoked, but not love. The dominant behavior would be to decide to throw first, or to decide for two, to insist on one’s own and take it with force.
"If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee.
“If I were your husband, I would drink it.”
From the therapist's experience:
People who, as a result of childhood trauma or other negative past experiences, are afraid of loneliness, afraid of abandonment, have low self-esteem, suffer from an inferiority complex, as a rule, never dominate in relationships and become very dependent on these relationships because it is very difficult for them break up and they are ready to cling to the relationship to the last. Such people are very easy to manipulate and take advantage of. These are those cases when a woman can be beaten, jealous for no reason, but she will still remain in the relationship.
Go ahead. Who can break off a relationship easier? The person who is more emotionally involved in the relationship or the one who is less? Of course, the one who is smaller, because he doesn’t care anymore, he gets less from the relationship, they are less valuable to him.
"I came late.
With lipstick. "
The second rule of dominance: the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship dominates. IN relationship m-f, it is always the one who loves less who controls.
A corollary can be deduced from this rule: a person who is jealous, throws tantrums, shows resentment, cries, etc., is always in the role of a follower. He doesn't dominate.
And the second conclusion, which suggests itself: a woman is more emotional, acts more often under the influence of emotions, and a man, on the contrary, is more restrained, more rational, which means the role of a dominant is more suitable for a man, a man should dominate. But in modern society it is not always so. This will be written about in the second part of this article.
The third rule of dominance: in a relationship, the person who is more self-sufficient always dominates.
This is because, being self-sufficient, it is always easier for a person to break off a relationship. Although, first, I should probably explain what I mean when I talk about being self-sufficient in the context of our topic. To be self-sufficient means to be independent of relationships, as a result of the fact that relationships are only a small part of life and for a person there are other equivalent sources of receiving emotions. Therefore, even after losing a relationship, a person still has a bunch of other sources of joy in his life, which allows him to survive the loss of a relationship with relative ease.
Self-sufficient individuals are always freer than people for whom relationships are a very significant part, if not the very purpose of life. Because for the latter, as for drug addicts, relationships are the main and almost the only source of emotions, and without this source his life becomes meaningless. Such people move from one addiction to another, suffering greatly in between.
"- Honey, can you imagine, I started working out! And now I walk 3 miles a day.
“Great, then in a week you will be 21 miles away from here.”
The fourth rule of dominance: usually in a relationship, the one who invests more in the relationship is dependent.
And vice versa, the one who invests less always dominates. This works because the person who begins to invest more in the relationship, by default, becomes the person who needs more, for whom the relationship is more important. After all, he invested so much in them. And we always value what we get with difficulty and never value what we get for free. This means that the partner in whom we invest automatically values our efforts less, because he himself has not invested anything, becomes dominant and more significant. If a person does something for the relationship, also stepping over himself and his desires, he thereby lowers his importance, but at the same time greatly increases the importance of the relationship for himself.
You can invest not only money, attention or care. Think a lot about a person, and he will become more important in your head. The more you think about it, give it your attention, the more important it becomes, the more you charge your desire to possess it. If you think constantly, then after some time it will become the most important thing in your life.
Rule five: the person who dominates is always in the role of evaluator.
When you evaluate someone, you are always higher psychologically. Because who can evaluate? Mom, dad, boss at work, etc. People who are taller than you. And the one who is being evaluated usually tries to correspond to this assessment, tries to please. He automatically becomes dependent on her. Note that this works with both the plus and minus signs. And when you praise a person and when you criticize, in both cases it elevates you above him. Of course, your partner is pleased when you use techniques with a plus sign. And some people make the mistake of using a lot of negative criticism. If you do this too often, you can push your partner away. It is most effective to use both techniques alternately, first then second, because it allows you to create an amplitude of emotions and get a person hooked on it.
"And don't tell me you didn't drink milk straight from the carton. Your teeth are still here!"
The sixth rule of dominance: a person who has a higher status in society, who is older, has more money etc., it is usually easier to dominate.
Such a person is dominant, as if by default. This works because we have all been taught since childhood that older people are smarter, stronger, etc., that they are bosses, managers, owners, celebrities, people with good looks, etc. are more important than us. Therefore, at the first stage it works. If a person can maintain this (and usually such people are accustomed to value themselves higher, they know how to dominate), then he will continue to dominate; if he cannot, if his self-esteem is low, then life will put everything in its place sooner or later.
The most important thing to understand is that in a relationship, the person whose importance is higher, who is less emotionally involved, always dominates. Moreover, power itself imposes responsibilities, and a person always pays for the right to manage by receiving fewer emotions. In a relationship, a man - a woman is the person who loves less. I wrote a little about this in the article “The Mechanism of Love,” but it is described much better by M. Weller in the story “Heartbreaker.” The dominant person is always the person who is closer to the “I have” polarity, and the subordinate is closer to the “I want” polarity. This is because the one who wants more is always emotionally less stable and more dependent on relationships.
It is also important to understand that for this system to work, it is necessary for one partner to value himself more, and the second less for himself, but more for his partner and the relationship. If both are sufficiently selfish, self-sufficient and value themselves and their desires above the relationship and above their partner, then such a relationship will simply fall apart or not begin. For a relationship to exist, one of the two needs to lose self-sufficiency and emotional stability (fall in love), and the second takes on the role of a person who allows himself to be loved.
You can dominate in two ways: by rising above your partner or by lowering your partner below you. It works both ways. Both methods have their advantages and disadvantages. Let's look at both. I personally prefer the first, because I think this method is more environmentally friendly, since in order to use the second, you need to hit your partner’s weak points, lowering his self-esteem. The first method can even increase your partner’s self-esteem, because he is next to such a cool person like you. At the same time, you are even higher. Metaphorically, this is “A girl feels like a lady because there is a real knight nearby.”
To use it, you need to have high self-esteem (higher than your partner) and generally be a fairly significant, worthwhile person in life. This is if you want to get a significant partner this way. Because in order to dominate him and not lower his self-esteem, you need to be better, taller, stronger, etc. Of course, if the partner himself is not very good, or very, but his self-esteem is low, then you don’t need to work hard to dominate such a person.
The first way is for natural leaders, strong personalities, for people who have high self-esteem and inner confidence.
The second method involves your ability to lower your partner lower. This method is usually used by many pickup artists and is taught in many pickup schools. Simply increasing self-esteem, as a rule, is a long journey and a lot of work on yourself. Therefore, it is much faster and easier to teach the guys to lower it to others. In addition, if a guy who is already offended by women comes to pickup training, then he begins to do it quite well, since there are all the conditions for this))).
This method usually works on people who are easily caught by their inhibitions. Simply put, on people whose self-esteem is already suffering. These guys usually fail to hook a person with high self-esteem, because, being afraid of women themselves, they do it rather rudely. A person with complexes may be attracted to this, but a person who loves and respects himself will simply send him away, and what’s even faster, he will go through the complexes of an inept manipulator.
"Very funny..."
It is possible to hook a self-sufficient person and gradually reduce his importance, destroying self-sufficiency, getting him hooked on himself, but you need to be able to do this. Alex-Odessa wrote about this in the article “Love is poison.” This is already an art that requires good experience. Having your own serious complexes and being afraid of women, this is very difficult to do, almost impossible.
In general, it is worth using both methods. This is much more effective than using only one. This allows you to create emotional amplitude and prevents your partner from getting used to and getting tired of one of them. After all, you can feel truly good when you are praised, but before that you dunked your face in turd.
At this stage, it becomes clear that self-esteem is very important for dominance. This is something that is constantly with you and always shows up in all your behavior, even if you try to hide it. In what you say, in your facial expressions, voice, posture, in every gesture. People meet, then very little time passes and it becomes clear who dominates, because non-verbal language always reflects your inner world, and the unconscious catches this very well. Especially the unconscious of women. Most women prefer a man to dominate, and they are the best detector that is difficult to deceive. And no matter what you pretend to be, if you have low self-esteem, most women see this. Yes, and most men too. There are, of course, people who are fixated on their complexes, whose self-esteem is even lower... It will be easier to communicate with such people. They are ready to tolerate even a guy who pretends to be something, and eat it up because their self-esteem is the same, or even lower, or because they liked him very much in appearance and for this they raised his importance out of the blue (this is usually not lasts a long time). The rest see what’s what and their attitude is appropriate.
By the way, I want to say that physical strength also allows you to dominate. It’s not for nothing that women prefer strong men and sometimes like to be treated roughly and to show strength. This makes them feel like real women. But physical strength, without internal state, gives almost nothing. A man can be very well built, but at the same time he is completely under the thumb of a woman. Yes, and I often saw how a guy with higher self-esteem and ingenuity easily dominated a jock in ordinary communication, which attracted the attention of women. But physical strength, supported by internal state, gives a good plus. Therefore, the internal state, the internal attitude towards oneself, and self-esteem are still more important.
When men come to me with relationship problems, as a rule, the first thing I have to do is work with self-esteem, complexes or fear of losing. And only then is it built in working model behavior. This is because self-sufficiency and self-love are the foundation, the base. If this is the case, then the behavior itself will be adequate. If this is not the case, then no techniques will help.
"I would like my husband to become really hot..."
Problems associated with the distribution of roles in the relationship between a man and a woman.
Today Ostap suffered, so I will write even more and go a little beyond the scope of the topic that I was going to cover at the beginning.
It is inherent in nature that in a relationship between women and men, the man should dominate. I won’t describe here why I decided this way. A lot has been written about this even without me. Therefore, you will have to accept this as a fact. Any woman wants the man to be the main one in the relationship. But it just so happens that in modern society there are distortions, both for men and women. Feminine men have a lot of feminine, their masculinity is suppressed, while masculine women have a lot of masculine. Men do not know how to dominate, and women do not know how or do not want to live in the role of a slave, or worse, they are afraid to give control to a man, they do not trust. The reason for this is upbringing. This is passed down from generation to generation, children learn from their parents.
It is believed that the reason for this was the Second World War, after which there were few men and many women had to take on the male role. And then came a generation of men and women raised by women who were accustomed to the dominant role of women in the family (the mother was in charge). They simply did not see another model.
Whether this is the reason or something else is not so important. The important thing is that these distortions make both men and women unhappy. Women suffer because they lack a “strong shoulder” and it’s stressful to manage relationships; they want to feel like a woman. Hence the complaints that there are no real men. And men are unhappy because they do not feel like men, because they do not realize their main purpose - to win, capture, explore, develop, achieve, dominate. They are used to submitting, they do not know how to be men, despite the fact that they need it deep down in their souls.
At the same time, a person who has a skew, as a rule, can build a relationship with a partner who also has a skew. Now I will explain why. If a normal, dominant man meets a courageous woman who also strives to dominate, then a power struggle will begin between them. And then there are two options:
1. One of the partners breaks the will of the other (if a woman, then this turns into a normal relationship, if a man, then there will be a distortion for both),
2. They run away because they can't get along together.
I can also say that not every normal dominant man wants to break someone’s will, fight and tolerate a man in a skirt. This is because such women are somewhat similar to men and are less attractive. It’s easier for him to find an initially feminine woman. Which is what usually happens. And women are not particularly keen to change anything. It is much easier and faster to go to a place where you are not stressed than to start changing yourself.
I once wrote about the film Gone with the Wave. It shows the distortion of a woman (played by Madonna) and how this distortion is broken when she ends up on a desert island with a dominant man. She has nowhere else to go but accept his dominance and it changes her a lot. I highly recommend watching this film.
In the discussion, many wrote that it was good for this guy, he had an island to re-educate her, and in real life everything is much more complicated. I agree. In real life, a woman will simply leave, continuing to build relationships as usual, not understanding why she is so unhappy. Not many people manage to look at themselves from the outside, realize their problem, and then change.
Another problem arises if a normal feminine woman and a man with a bias towards the feminine side meet. Usually, for such a woman, this man is simply not attractive. None of them want to be a leader. Such relationships don't even begin.
Therefore, people have to form relationships where both partners are skewed. Unconsciously, they find such partners for themselves. The rest are filtered out automatically.
And everything seems to be fine, the woman controls, the man is the subordinate. The system should work. But for some reason it works crookedly, both are unhappy. Men start drinking, women nag them. This is because everyone, as if unconsciously, expects the other to fulfill his natural role. A man wants to feel like a man, to be the head of the family and to have an obedient wife. And a woman wants to relieve herself of responsibilities and feel a real man next to her, care and attention. That's why he nags. But the problem is that not one of them is ready to take on this role, because upbringing, because behavioral models are laid down from childhood and the roles have long been prescribed and distributed, and the system has become established. And they simply don’t know any other way. So it turns out that both men and women constantly blame each other for the fact that they themselves are unhappy, but do not want to notice the reason in themselves.