Loneliness, is it so bad? Living solo: why more and more people are choosing solitude as a lifestyle. Meet others halfway.
Even though most of us live surrounded by many other people, we still often experience a feeling of loneliness that robs us of the joy of life. Loneliness eats away our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into complete torture. Many of you will probably agree with me that loneliness is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, there are so many people around us that it would seem that loneliness is out of the question, but it nevertheless exists and we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness so painful for us? And most importantly, what should we do with loneliness, how to get rid of it? We, dear readers, will talk about this in this article. And if you feel like a lonely person, I will help you solve this problem.
Loneliness is a special emotional state of a person in which he feels useless and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses his sense of himself due to lack of contact with other people; he falls into a void in which he, as an individual, does not exist. This emotional state occurs at a time when a person does not receive full attention from other people, when he does not feel a positive emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing it. At the same time, there may be a lot of people around him and they can even communicate with him. It's all about the form of this communication - a person may simply not be listened to, heard or understood. Often, when communicating with people, we feel that they simply do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel lonely. It turns out that we seem to be able to communicate with people, but it is reminiscent of communicating with a wall, which is of little use. So it is not at all necessary to live on a desert island and be isolated from society in order to feel lonely; you can, surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but actually be a lonely person - if no one cares about you.
But why don’t we ourselves give a damn about those who don’t care about us? And because we are social creatures, we all depend on each other, because we are parts of a single whole, not to mention the fact that each of us needs a partner for a full life. This is how nature intended for a person to strive to continue his family and maintain life on earth and to take care not only of himself, but also of the people around him, since this increases his survival. Together, people are capable of much, they were able to build a civilization and together they can solve any problems that arise, but individually they will simply die out. Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon as loneliness is understandable. We feel lonely because we make ourselves that way - we alienate ourselves, move away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting about the need to fit into the society around us, noticing other people in it and becoming noticeable ourselves. And we will never be comfortable as long as we are objectively alone, until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also part of the society in which we live, and preferably, part of all humanity. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially in cases where we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love. However, if we receive too much attention from other people, we inevitably begin to neglect it, we begin to choose who is interesting and beneficial for us to communicate with, and who is not. If you have no friends, no suitable partner, you will of course feel lonely. But it is quite possible, friends, that you yourself, too, at the moment do not notice anyone who notices you. Think about it.
Loneliness, meanwhile, has positive side- this is privacy. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can conduct a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can think, read books, do some favorite things and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but a grace, albeit in moderation, because as was said above, we all need contacts with people and their attention to us. But to a certain extent, we all need solitude, another thing is that because of this we should not close ourselves off from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, loners, closed-in people. And this will not benefit us, rest assured. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people with communication with yourself; this will not save you from loneliness. Supplement communication with people with communication with yourself - supplement, but do not replace it with them, live a full life - look for suitable interlocutors and communicate with them.
But back to the negative side of loneliness, in the end, for most people, loneliness is a problem, not a blessing, which they somehow need to solve so as not to suffer because of it. How can it be solved? First, friends, you need to find out what is causing this problem. Pay attention to the way you live and how you treat other people. If you lead an alienated lifestyle, if for some reason you are isolated from other people, then you need to correct this situation - you need to go out to people in order to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but at the same time you do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of which you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to distance yourself from them or them to distance themselves from you, then you definitely need to work on your manner of communication. In most cases, we are deprived of attention from other people because of our lack of understanding of them, which we interpret as their lack of understanding of us. But blaming other people for not wanting to communicate with us or not wanting to understand us is simply pointless. People behave with us the way they want and how they are forced to behave, and most importantly, they behave with us the way we allow them to behave with us. So if we do not want to hear each other, then our communication will be so meaningless that it can be compared to communication with a wall, and therefore, there can be no talk of any mutual understanding with such dead communication. So why do we spit on each other, why don’t we notice each other, don’t hear each other and don’t want to understand each other? Is it all about our upbringing? Yes, and in it too, many people are selfish and therefore indifferent to other people, and they, in turn, are indifferent to them. So we all feel alone, even in major cities, where there are a lot of people, and even having the Internet at hand, where you can communicate with anyone and on any topic. But selfishness is selfishness, and the main problem for a person who makes other people, and at the same time himself, lonely is his lack of need for other people. We don't need each other enough to want to understand each other. Or rather, we believe that we do not need each other, and we often see in other people more enemies than friends and therefore we try to distance ourselves from them or simply not notice them. Because of this, as I said above, we make ourselves lonely. We must have a need for those around us, then we will be more open and friendly towards them, and if we do not feel this need, then other people will only interfere with us.
How often do we complain that we lack attention, love, respect, understanding? What have we personally done to ensure that we have all this? Do we accept the love that other people who truly love us offer us, do we respect their attention to us, do we try to understand other people when we communicate with them? Alas, friends, in most cases we do nothing of this, at least most of us do not properly appreciate the attention, love, understanding and respect for ourselves from other people. And as a result, some of us come to proud loneliness, in which some people, because of their pride and perseverance, remain throughout their lives. But all you need to do is try to understand other people, try to hear them and find them mutual language. But people are too selfish for this, they mainly focus on their own feelings, on own desires, for their own interests, and they don’t care about others. Sometimes this is justified, sometimes it is not, but in most cases, by not feeling the need for attention from some people, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live a rich and fulfilling life in which we will have many friends and fans. People don’t just become lonely; this is necessarily preceded by certain actions on the part of the person that force people to distance themselves from him. Sometimes friends, you really have to be simpler so that people will start to gravitate towards you.
However, some people, no matter how hard they want, are unable to establish positive contacts with other people; they are either uncommunicative themselves, or have become so due to negative experiences in the past. Also, very often difficulties with communication arise in people with low self-esteem, because of which they are simply afraid to communicate, afraid of being unheard, misunderstood, and unaccepted. There are other psychological factors that contribute to loneliness. So, if it is difficult for you to establish contacts with people, because of low self-esteem, because of fear of them, because of your lack of communication or for some other reason, then start working on yourself, either on your own or with the help of a specialist . Otherwise, you will create a vicious circle when your inability and unwillingness to communicate with people will lead you to the fact that your self-esteem will fall even lower and your fear of people will become even greater. And then you may develop depression, with all its inherent “charms,” which can completely poison our lives. You definitely need to develop your communication skills in order to be able to make acquaintances with people you are interested in. And if you are already quite sociable, but there are few people around you with whom you could communicate and who could understand you, then you urgently need to pay attention to your behavior in order to understand what exactly you need to change in it . Loneliness always has reasons that lie primarily in ourselves. When we feel the loneliness of the soul, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us, that no one needs us and our whole life is a complete misunderstanding, rest assured that at this moment we do not understand something, we are losing sight of something and something... then we don’t attach any importance.
I am absolutely sure that many people need each of us, just as we ourselves need many of them. We all need each other in one way or another. Once we realize this, we will certainly open up to each other and become closer to each other, and not physically closer, there seems to be no problem with that today, but spiritually. It's time for us to abandon the consumer attitude towards people and move to a new level of perception of this world, in which our relationships with each other will acquire a qualitative new uniform. People must grow and develop so that such primitive and meaningless problems as loneliness stop bothering them. I recommend that you also do some creative activity, which more than compensates for the lack of attention to you from other people. Sometimes we just feel lonely, but we really are not, we simply do not have the opportunity to express ourselves and therefore it seems to us that no one understands us. Express yourself in some work that interests you, because every person, without exception, has some kind of talent, by identifying and developing which he is able to surprise the world with his wonderful creation and express himself with this. Then you will be guaranteed attention, recognition, respect, and love. People can't help but notice a person who created something beautiful.
And don't be afraid of people, friends. They, of course, are not ideal, and sometimes even dangerous, but still, none of us can live a full life without them. You don’t have to communicate with all people, communicate only with those of them who are closer to you in spirit and character, this will be quite enough so that you do not feel lonely. Try to study people, understand them, study their interests, goals, desires, and then you will be able to join their picture of the world and help them understand you. Draw their attention to yourself with the help of your activity and energy, because active and energetic people it's hard not to notice. Keep in mind that many people simply do not understand what their life should be like, what kind of people they should surround themselves with in this life, and who needs them in it. Therefore, try to convince them that they need you, show them yourself in all your glory. And you will be accepted. People are confused in a world they have created, in which there is so much information that you can drown in it. Therefore, they often find it difficult to focus their attention even on themselves, let alone anyone else who surrounds them. There are people around, but the person does not notice them, does not fully communicate with them, and therefore feels lonely. Loneliness is a problem we have invented; in reality it does not exist. There is only people’s misunderstanding of each other and their inattention to each other, because of which this difficult feeling arises.
The concept of loneliness has become very common. Many men and women live comfortably in this condition. They go to work, to friends’ birthdays. So what then is loneliness? And how good or bad is this for a person?
What is loneliness?
Personally, I really love solitude. Or rather, not loneliness itself - when isolation protects a person from the outside world, but a state of silence and free space, when there are no people, worries or noise around me. This is a state of “temporary” loneliness. There is time to think about your problems, sort out the “brain” rubble, and just relax.
But there are people who live in this state all the time, and the fact that they smile and communicate nicely with others does not make them less withdrawn. What is temporary for me becomes a way of life for them, which obviously does not make them happier.
This means a person can be lonely while in the company of other people.
For example, I have a man I know who prefers to be single. He does not create his own family. He is more accustomed to living like this. He communicates with friends, attends all sorts of events, but he is alone. He cannot open up, cannot feel cared for and cannot take care of himself, saying that this is much better for him.
But it seems to me that this is a deep misconception. As a rule, this is a psychological defense that any person creates so that he is left alone and not asked unnecessary questions.
Women who are looking for partners do not understand the reasons why they are unable to build relationships. They create a psychological barrier, realizing that it is more convenient to be alone, but, for some reason, they still continue the search.
Accordingly, they are not satisfied with any men, they look for disadvantages in everyone, thereby justifying themselves. Look around, there are probably such women among your acquaintances.
Loneliness is harmful!
I am against a person protecting himself from the world around him. In fact, loneliness has consequences. A lonely person is closed in on himself, he does not share his experiences, thereby not providing emotional relief, which leaves an imprint on his communication, which he lacks at home.
No one will appreciate or praise a person the way they do in the family. And if she doesn’t exist, who will appreciate his merits and achievements?!
All processes in a lonely person occur within themselves. Life expectancy for lonely people is shorter, since there is no tactile perception, a number of other psychological reasons, according to which life is morally more difficult. The most difficult thing is that in different life situations no one will support or help, and this also has great importance, since cases in life are different.
People who consider themselves lonely are mistaken in the fact that no one needs them, that people forget about them. And this is the first signal of depression.
People! To avoid such situations, don’t wait, find and establish contacts yourself, make friends and families. It all depends on your perception of the situation and your attitude towards your life.
Therefore, before choosing the path of a lonely person, you need to think about what the pros and cons of loneliness are. And I think that the disadvantages of loneliness are much greater than the positive aspects.
What do you think about loneliness?
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Do you agree that Moscow is a city of lonely people? And in general, in this world, isn’t a person a priori alone? Isn't he responsible for making decisions, aware of the consequences? Isn’t he the one who tests himself every day?
One of my good friends says that he wants a family and children. And he's a great match. A good position in a large company, a large apartment, an excellent country house, but he just can’t find the one person who definitely wouldn’t do what his “ex” did. And the “ex” tries to manipulate him with the help of the child, deprives him of the joy of communicating with his son, sets constant conditions and continues to fray his nerves.
Or she is excellent, smart, successful, without children, with good connections and a salary. A girl who is called a “self-made woman”, she is constantly surrounded by men, but all of them are not at all what she is looking for... And how can you believe it if in this life men have broken her heart more than once. They gave flowers, looked with admiring eyes, said compliments... And then the meetings became less and less frequent, there was almost no warmth in them, he was only interested in sex, no plans for the future... That's how to not feel lonely, abandoned, empty after this... And most importantly , such men say that they did not promise anything, that it was just fantasy... A pleasant pastime... nothing more.
Although, if you think about it, then family life you can feel very lonely. He is constantly at work or on business trips, a stressful job. At home, I don’t really want to talk, there are still some problems that need to be solved... Well, I want to relax, be silent, not say anything... And there is no trace of the former passion. I am sure that only after living for many years together and, at the same time, separately, can one appreciate all the titanic efforts of a woman who forgave a lot, endured, turned a blind eye to a lot, but also did not let go, supported and now you are raising grandchildren together be proud of your children...
One wonderful girl once told me that many people simply do not know how to be alone with themselves. That you need to learn the art of meditation, read, enjoy solitude... I can’t agree with this. Yes, sometimes we have such pauses of loneliness, but if they drag on, then we are not far from depression... It is better not to allow this to happen. Go to a psychologist or see a priest.
I recently flew to Paris, alone. But I never spent a single evening alone. During the day there are guided tours, a huge amount of information and impressions, although this is not my first time there. In the evening, friends, delicious wine. I enjoyed talking and learning news. I also managed to go to the opera and ballet at Bastille... By the way, I met a woman there, we started talking because we were sitting next to each other. She lives in the South of France, loves ballet very much, works as a lawyer in a large insurance company... She is about 45 years old. And when I asked if she came to the performance alone, she replied that her husband does not like ballet, and she enjoys it alone... Life is a compromise.
I don’t see anything wrong with this, why sit at home when there are so many interesting things around... Cinema, new restaurants, exhibitions, new cities and countries... All this makes it possible to fill the spiritual emptiness, enjoy this world, and most importantly, then share your impressions with your loved ones.
And career, money, position, interesting people they should be present in our world, just don’t think that someone is ready to share a difficult period in life with you or love you all your life... The main thing is to understand that, as one wise woman says - my mother - “Everything will be fine!” . The main thing is to believe in it...
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There are people who just can’t get along with loneliness; they are tormented by the lack of surroundings and strive to improve their situation. And others are even more comfortable alone with themselves than in the company of their closest people. Still, is loneliness good or bad?
If we consider the advantages, they are as follows:
In answer to the question, is it good or bad to be alone?, it’s worth listing the disadvantages. And they consist of just one thing: a person cannot be alone all his life, he still needs relationships, the support of friends, and the hustle and bustle of the work team. And no matter how much he swaggers around, he understands that sooner or later he will have to get out of his cocoon and start interacting with other people. Often a person strives for loneliness because he considers himself misunderstood. But maybe you just didn’t know those who could complement your thoughts and keep you in good company. Undoubtedly, it is better to be alone than with just anyone, as the great Omay Khayyam said. But it’s even better to try to find these “just anyone”, because they probably exist and are somewhere nearby!