First meeting with his mother. How to meet a guy's parents: useful tips and little tricks. What to give when meeting a guy's parents

The man you love is going to introduce you to your mother. How to survive this meeting and even enjoy it?

In the life of every girl, sooner or later there comes a crucial day that can change her whole life. First meeting with his parents.

When another friend says: “And then he introduced me to his parents,” images from Hollywood films flash before my eyes, where the human race first comes into contact with aliens. Every movement and gesture must be verified down to the millimeter, because the future depends on it civilization, that is, your relationship.Any side can make a mistake, which later becomes fatal.

Preparing for a meeting with parents

Once my friend N. was dating a man for whom she had far-reaching plans. And then came That Day - the first acquaintance with the guy’s parents. Inspired, N. ate his mother’s buns and sang praises to her culinary abilities. Mom fed N. the most delicious morsels and praised her appetite.

N. already imagined herself in wedding dress when my mother said: “Look how the girl eats.” Not like the hanger you came with the day before yesterday. Me too, model!”

Compliments to her borscht and cat are welcome!

Another friend of mine once said that, in her opinion, only crazy old women keep cats, without noticing the black cat Murzik, lounging proprietorially on an armchair.

But, despite all the excesses and mental anguish, in general, getting to know your mother is a very useful procedure, I would even say, of strategic importance. And this, undoubtedly, is worth the nerves and money spent on a special Particularly Decent Blouse (which can then only be worn to a gala dinner with his grandmother).

After meeting the mother of your beloved man, much becomes clear about his character.

If earlier you wondered where he got his strange dictatorial habits from and why he demanded that you write him SMS saying that you walked into the entrance, went up to your floor, ended up in the apartment and locked yourself up, then from the moment you met his mother - the investigator will everything fall into place.

Does he know the symptoms of all known and some unknown diseases and diagnose them in himself, you and others? Having met your mother, a doctor, you will stop wondering why you are happy in the form of her son, and you will think about vitamins and acupuncture. But these are minor things.

The best thing is that, firstly, he takes you seriously, because he doesn’t introduce anyone to his mother (except for the investigator’s mother, who demands that all female acquaintances be examined).

And secondly, and most importantly, if the first meeting is successful, then you and your mother will be able to unite and together you will be practically invincible. So turn on all your charm. In war, all means are good. Compliments on her borscht, cat and pale purple hair color are welcome.

And as a reward, you will receive for your birthday a blouse of exactly the same style as the one you were wearing when you met. And her son to boot.

Let's summarize: meeting a guy's mother for the first time is far from easy, but if you follow certain tips, then everything will go well.

1. Remember that most of your efforts should be directed towards charming his beloved mother. Undoubtedly, dad is the head of the family. But in many cases, his opinion of his future daughter-in-law is based on his wife’s impression of her.

Discard the idea that you need to give your parents some kind of souvenir. If the mother of your loved one is the type of especially vigilant person, then in such a gift she will see nothing more than outright bribery on your part. As a result of this, throughout the entire meeting she will begin to look for those shortcomings in you that, in her opinion, you tried to cover with a gift.

2. The second reason why you should not give anything to his parents is that you may simply not please their taste preferences. And, in the end, you will be accused of either lack of taste, or of trying to show off your money.

It is better to give gifts when you are close to his family and can easily identify those gifts that will immediately please them.

3. As soon as you enter his parental home, the smile on your lips should not disappear for a moment. Even if you are greeted with unexpected coldness, try to be friendly. Remember often that your smile helped you charm your lover on your first dates. It is possible, in the case of the first visit to his parents, that a smile will help hide the embarrassment from his mother’s gaze.

4. Acquaintance, most likely, will not be complete without a feast. Don't go overboard with drinking glasses of wine. Don't forget to motherly look after your lover at the table. In this way, you will make it clear to his mother that he will pass from her hands to no less loving ones.

5. When answering questions about your plans for life, try to give answers that are closely connected with the interests of your loved one.

6. If they ask about your family, no matter what, describe it as if it is the best in the world.

The most important thing to remember is that when going to such an important meeting, take naturalness with you, forgetting pride and rudeness at home, and then you are guaranteed a successful completion of the acquaintance.

Video materials on the topic of the article

How to please your boyfriend's parents:

How to behave correctly on this day:

How to improve relations with his parents:

Sooner or later, the development of relationships leads to the fact that it is time to meet the parents. And no matter how much we reassure ourselves, we are all just nervous. After all, this is a meeting with the parents of the chosen one and you need to show yourself in all your glory. How can you prove yourself on the good side in front of your boyfriend’s parents? We'll talk about these subtleties.

The opinions of parents are very important for a guy. After all, these people raised and educated him. No matter what the guy tells you and no matter how much he reassures you, he will take into account the opinions of his parents. Therefore, prepare properly for your acquaintance.

There is no need to be nervous and refuse a meeting. They simply won't understand you. You need to understand that sooner or later this would happen. And you must pass this test with dignity. Understand that your future relationship with the guy’s parents will depend on how you present yourself. It is very important that they be your allies in the future. Since parents can influence your family relationships, and it’s good when such influence is positive.

Let's consider the subtleties of behavior when meeting a guy's parents:

1. The initial stage is collecting information. Ask your loved one more about his parents. Namely, where they work, what they do, what their lifestyle is, in general, find out everything that might be useful.

2. Ask your guy for a favor. Agree with him in advance so that he leaves you alone with his ancestors as little as possible.

3. Prepare conversation templates. When you meet, you will need to talk about something. To avoid conversations in which you will feel uncomfortable, throw in a couple of interesting topics in your head in which you will be like a duck to water. If during communication the conversation goes in the wrong direction, try to smoothly return to your patterns.

4. Remember your parents' names. It is very important when communicating to already call parents by name and patronymic. This suggests that you were not too lazy to learn their names and they are important people to you.

5. Modest, tasteful clothing. As they say, you are greeted by your clothes and escorted by your mind. There is no need to dress provocatively; older people don’t like that. A beautiful dress will come in handy. Makeup and hairstyle are best left casual.

6. Take something tasty with you. You shouldn't go empty-handed. But don't take alcoholic drinks so they don't think badly of you. Cake, candy or delicious cookies It will come in handy for tea.

7. When communicating, speak calmly and naturally. The main thing is not to be silent, but also do not speak a thousand words per minute. Under no circumstances should you interrupt your parents and boyfriend in a conversation; try to listen to the end and only then answer. To prevent the acquaintance from developing into an interrogation, try to ask your parents in response about certain things. If you are embarrassed, you should not hide it too much; a spark of feeling is better than feigned calmness.

8. Smile and compliments. What else can brighten up communication so much as a compliment to parents about deliciously prepared dishes. The same can be said about the beautiful arrangement of furniture and arrangement in the apartment. Your future mother-in-law will be glad to hear that she is a good housewife. But you need to know the norm; too many compliments can have a bad effect on your acquaintance.

9. Offer your help. You must show the guy's mother that you are not her competitor, but her assistant. Therefore, at the table, when it comes to tea, cut a cake, and at the end of the conversation even offer to help wash the dishes. Believe me, such words will not remain behind the scenes.

10. Don’t use the word my boyfriend (boyfriend’s name). For now it is not only yours, but also your parents’. They may see this as selfishness on your part.

11. Ask your parents to show you family photos with your boyfriend. This will bring you closer.

12. Getting to know each other is important information for you. Look at the guy's family model. Most likely he will build such a model with you.

13. Leave on time. It is important to see when the dialogue comes to an end and politely thank you for the delicious dinner and good interlocutors. Let me also remind you that before you leave, help your mom clear the table. This will be an extra bonus point for you.

There is nothing supernatural about meeting your parents. Behave calmly and naturally. Don't wear a big mask because you'll eventually have to take it off. Therefore, sincerity is a trait that is important for a guy’s parents to see in you.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! I have been dating my boyfriend for quite a long time, he is also 19 years old. We've been together for more than two years now, and everything is going well. Trips to the sea introduced our families. But. I don’t have a very good attitude towards his mother and I try to hide it, but sometimes I just can’t do it, because I’m a very emotional person and sometimes I can say too much and then regret it. His mother is almost 40 years old, she has a husband, she has been married to him for three years, they have no children together. This woman is very conflicted and capricious, but this “conflict” is hidden. She little by little gets on everyone's nerves, while trying to seem like an angel and is completely confident that she is right. My first impressions of her were good: a sweet woman who loves to laugh. But later I began to notice some bad appraising glances and ambiguous remarks in her. Because of this, over time, some kind of competitive spirit awoke in me, although I understand that we have nothing to measure against. I think she behaves like a little girl, always demanding attention from her husband and son. She often has breakdowns, her husband and my MCH suggested that she go to a psychologist and after two visits she said that she was not impressed with what she heard from the psychologist. This woman is very alarming to me, and I instinctively have a desire to “tear” my boyfriend away from her as often as possible, since I am afraid that he will pick up this manner of behavior and treat people this way from her. I don’t respect her for behavior that is inappropriate for a forty-year-old woman. I understand perfectly well that it hurts my MCH to look at my hostility, but I can’t help myself. Recently her mother died, and after that she was left only with her husband, son and dad. Her father, some time after his wife’s death, found himself a woman, whom my boyfriend’s mother, of course, did not accept. As a result, she quarreled with her father so much that they have not communicated for almost a year. At the same time, she spoils the nerves of both her husband and her son. And it’s very unpleasant for me to look at all this, because my boyfriend is very often in a bad mood precisely because he once again had a fight with his over-aged mother because of her stupid jealousy. This is not an isolated situation. And there were many situations where she specifically hurt me, and in such a way that my boyfriend didn’t even notice it. Please tell me how to behave most competently in such a situation?

Psychologist Evgenia Vasilievna Varaksina answers the question.

Hello, Alina!

Try to understand your young man’s mother: the woman raised her son alone for a long time, experienced a lack of male attention and support, and unconsciously began to demand what she did not receive from men, from her son. The fact that inside she feels like a little unloved girl is confirmed by the fact that she did not accept her father’s new woman, and by the way she behaves with her husband and son. Such women have a constant desire to prove that for this man they come first (behind this is usually the fear of being abandoned and unnecessary). Try to mentally live with her those events of her life. who made her who she is now. If you can understand it, your emotional attitude to the situation will change. You will not join, “cling,” but will begin to observe her behavior from the outside, understanding its reasons. It's a good lesson to see how a woman behaves when she doesn't feel loved or protected. No matter how much attention is paid to her, it is always not enough for her, no matter how much love surrounds her, she is not able to accept it for one simple reason - she does not know how to love herself. Learn from her mistakes: how, having everything for happiness, you can make yourself and those around you unhappy, and live differently.

Her behavior has practically nothing to do with you, this is her experience, her fate, her feeling of uselessness to men. Don't take it personally, calmly observe from the outside and learn from her mistakes. A wise person learns from the mistakes of others, a fool only from his own. Be a wise woman. Your task is to have a relationship that is joyful, comfortable and easy with a young man, and not with his mother. His mother deserves your sad look from the side: “sorry.” It is she who suffers the most from herself (after all, you communicate with her for several minutes or hours, and she communicates with herself 24 hours a day).

Meeting a young man’s mother and family is an important and exciting moment. What to wear, what to bring, what to say and how to make a good impression?

Preparation

It is worth preparing for the visit. If possible, find out as much as you can about his mother. This will allow you to choose the right tactics of behavior, dress code, and most importantly, sincerely say the phrase: “Your son has told me so much about you.” Men tend to brush off detailed preparatory questions; don’t give up, even if he says: “Don’t worry, mom will receive you well.” Find out how the family spends weekends, vacations, what topics may be taboo. Accepted in the family and its social status play an important role.

If you're not familiar with table manners, practice. Fluent use of cutlery requires some habit, and with rare dishes - a tightrope walk.

The day of meeting a young man’s parents is not an occasion for giving, so even to a planned meeting you don’t have to bring anything. However, the bouquet will not spoil the impression; on the contrary, it will communicate your desire to express respect and establish contact. A young man presents a bouquet to his mother, accompanying it with the phrase: “Mom, we bought this for you,” emphasizing your common participation.

When choosing a souvenir, you should take into account that the gift on the day of meeting is chosen either for the mother or for the whole family. It’s not worth giving gifts to every family member, especially men, unless it’s a birthday.

It is better to discuss the present with your partner. A cake or sweets for tea will be inappropriate if the mother is on a diet or prepares the cake herself.

The reason for a souvenir could be a small present from a country you recently visited, or a parent’s collection. Despite the common phrase “ best gift- book”, when choosing literature you should be sure of your preferences. You are not supposed to give personal items, perfume or household items, even if you know that his mother has long dreamed of a new kitchen set.

You shouldn't bring a drink to the table, not even champagne. An exception may be the presentation of a girl as a bride, if the young man is confident of a warm welcome. A man buys champagne.

First impression

Dress code, makeup, and hairstyle play an important role in creating the first impression. Mom will definitely pay attention to the style, color, and quality of the clothes. Young girls should pay special attention to details: the selection of accessories for this day, a bag, nail polish, and especially stockings, if the hostess suggests taking off her shoes.

The combination of modesty and dignity in appearance will increase the chances of a good reception, but you should not overdo it. Showing up at your doorstep in a formal business suit or clothes in gray or dark tones is unlikely to make it easy to establish contact. An unusual, bright color is also not recommended. It is better to demonstrate originality later. Excessive mini, casual or beachwear, even in hot weather, will show disrespect. In the case of different social levels, inexpensive things should look neat and stylish.

First step

According to general rules etiquette, the younger ones are introduced to the elders, which means the young man introduces his acquaintance/girlfriend/fiancée to his parents: “Mom, meet me, this is Olga. Olga, this is my mother, Svetlana Vladimirovna.”

If the young man limited himself to the words: “This is my mother,” without mentioning her name, the presentation will be incomplete and inconvenient for communication. In this case, it is better to immediately take the initiative and ask what your mother’s name is. The name undoubtedly needs to not only be remembered, but also used: “Good afternoon, Svetlana Vladimirovna.”

At the moment of acquaintance, it is often appropriate to thank for the invitation, for example: “Thank you for the invitation.” However, you should not show excessive feelings of joy. The phrase: “I’ve wanted to meet you for so long” will be superfluous.

It is important to remember that the right to extend a hand belongs to the parents, and therefore there is no need to rush to extend a hand in a friendly manner. If mom does not answer the handshake, you will have to stand with her hand outstretched. Also, don't initiate a symbolic greeting kiss. However, if your mother is ready to give you a little hug when meeting you, the social greeting should be supported.

If you happen to run into the parents of a young man in their apartment, calmly say hello and state your name. A short explanation will clarify the situation: “Good evening, I’m Irina. Andrey and I study in the same group.” In this case, handshakes and kisses are not appropriate.

Shoes must be removed upon entry. There is no point in asking whether it is possible to enter the house in street shoes; this will put the housewife in an awkward position. How you will walk around the house - in slippers or socks - will be decided by the hostess. It is not customary to refuse the offered slippers from the guest set, even if their color does not match your outfit.

Behavior

You should not enter rooms where you have not been invited. After inviting you to the table, wait until others present sit down or approach the table; if the owner of the house has his usual place, you will have to change seats.

Even if you are not hungry, you should try the food. It is not tactful to refuse a treat because you are on a diet; it is better to take a little. is a valid reason for refusing certain products, but can put the housewife in an uncomfortable position. In this connection, it is better to warn your partner about this in advance, and not his mother already at the time of serving the meat dish.

Even if you are invited after a hard day and are very hungry, you should not pounce on food. It is believed that the phrase “Oh, how delicious” is the best thing a housewife can hear. However, before asking for a recipe, evaluate whether it will make the hostess happy or wary.

Require special treatment alcoholic drinks. If possible, you should avoid them or just sip them. It's better not to make toasts. At the end of the meal, if contact has been established, it is permissible to thank for the invitation and hospitality.

Impression

The impression is created by both facial expression and manner of conversation. Of course, it is not always easy to cope with anxiety, but you should watch your gestures and manners. Active gestures, fuss and excessive activity create a negative impression. Naturalness and some excitement look better than a frozen smile.

Even if you are in a hurry or cannot wait for the rendezvous to end, do not look at the clock. Turn off mobile phone and do not check incoming messages every minute.

Special attention parents will definitely pay attention to the girl’s attitude towards their son. Show respect for your partner; your desire to help or care will be noticed. But you shouldn’t make comments to him. Just like whispering evilly when parents are not in the room.

You should be especially careful in demonstrating your rights to a young man: putting your hand on his shoulder, touching him, making decisions for him, even if your relationship is already serious. By touching, you seem to be encroaching on parental property, which can upset them or set them up to fight.

Conversation

Your partner's parents will definitely want to find out as much as possible about you. Get ready for the answers. Most often parents ask: where do you study, work, about your family. You don’t have to answer tactless questions, but it’s better to politely avoid answering than to upset your parents.

The general style of conversation with parents is similar to secular ones. You should not get into an argument, prove that you are right, or emphasize the age difference. Topics should be accessible and interesting. , religions and politics should stay away. It is not recommended to use youth slang.

During a conversation, be careful with jokes and quotes, do not repeat “But here is my mother” often. Chat a little, if possible, with your brothers and sisters. But under no circumstances make eyes at your future father-in-law.

A reproduction on the wall can be a topic for conversation, and also better photos. Especially a young man. Take an interest in his childhood, character, and incidents from his life.

Take your time and beware of the “we” pronoun. It may be perceived negatively.

Say kind, positive, Nice words, refuse the particle not: “I don’t love, I won’t.” You should talk about yourself without unnecessary pathos, but also without unnecessary modesty, in a positive manner.

Be careful. The tone and topics of conversation often indirectly demonstrate how your parents feel about you.

Situations

Undoubtedly, there is no single correct advice in behavior. No meeting is like another. Just like the character of mother and son. Try to understand and analyze your parents. Their excessive irony can turn out to be a test, and their politeness is just a mask.
From the first meeting, you should not demonstrate your desire to start a family relationship and call the young man’s mother “mom”; this will take time.

Even if you really want to please his mother, you shouldn’t offer to help in the kitchen on the first day. Mom may perceive this as an attack on her rights or happily dump all the work on you.
Even if you are not her type, your mother should not scold you, utter offensive phrases, or remain silent. If you find yourself in such a situation, show tact and do not give in to the scandal. For mom, as well as for you, this day is exciting; it is better to continue calm communication. It is not tactful to leave the house demonstratively.

At the end, don't forget to thank for your hospitality. But expressing hope for a speedy meeting, as well as inviting your mother for a return visit, is not supposed to happen.

The main thing is that you need to remember that your beloved is their son, who will forever be their child, and you are a potential enemy, because you are taking away their child, into whom they have invested so much. Therefore, they may not treat you as friendly as you expect, but you need to remember a few rules that will allow you to prove that you are worthy of him.

Firstly, when going to visit, forget about all the flashy and provocative items in your wardrobe for one evening, and bright makeup and manicure will also not be appropriate at such a meeting. The first acquaintance is a responsible step. But you shouldn’t go beyond your usual clothes. Wear your favorite blouse and jeans, or a sundress, but remember - they should not look provocative! You need to feel confident and your clothes should support you!

Secondly, you must remember that you are going to a meeting of his parents, and you need to behave decently. Before the door, take a breath, smile, and say “Good afternoon! “, saying goodbye at the door, you can exhale, and all this time you need to proudly hold your back straight, smile, communicate and do not forget about the rules of etiquette.

Thirdly, always remember that your companion chose you precisely because you are you, so remain that way this evening. If you've been dating for a long time, you know a lot of stories about his family, and you're almost familiar with everyone in absentia, so you don't have to worry - you already know something about them, and this may help you find common topics for conversation! But the main thing is to remain yourself, cheerful and relaxed, light and attentive, and success will definitely await you.

So, you are standing in front of the threshold of his home, you have an excellent view and are in the mood for a good time. If you come alone and a guy is waiting inside, greet each other decently! When you see his parents, smile and let the guy introduce you to each other. Getting to know your mother and you is a very important step.

Say you're glad to meet the parents of such a wonderful guy! And if the reason for your acquaintance was his birthday, it would be appropriate to congratulate his mother with a bouquet of flowers. Let the guy find out which ones she likes best.

When you enter a house, you shouldn’t immediately look at all the little things and ask what they are for and where they come from. It’s better to look at what really interests you and what you understand, say that the house is very cozy, and if they have some kind of pet, then this is a reason to get hooked on new topic conversation. But you shouldn’t immediately lay out everything about your life, it’s better to bypass your past personal life altogether, and if his mother asks, it’s better to politely evade, saying that you’re uncomfortable talking about it and maybe next time it will be more appropriate. Don’t think that she just became interested, she is looking out for all sides of you, and it’s better not to give her a reason to see something not very good.

When communicating with his parents, remember that they are older than you and may not understand nanotechnology. You shouldn’t start a conversation on a topic that has a very narrow range of understanding, because it’s your favorite subject. scientific research. Do not use youth and colloquial slang - it will not be very polite. And also, even if you are fond of collecting quotes famous people- you shouldn’t eat them at dinner, it’s unlikely to be appropriate.

It wouldn’t be bad to talk about your hobbies, childhood dreams, favorite places in the city and how you like to spend your weekends, unless of course it’s relaxing in front of the TV. Tell us where you studied and what interesting cities you have been to, perhaps you have traveled, or have plans to do so. Parents love to learn about future plans, because if a person has a goal, it means he will live achieving something! But don’t get carried away, ask your mom what was interesting in your boyfriend’s childhood, and believe me, she has a lot of funny stories! And parents should not immediately tell about wonderful plans for their son, even if he approves of it! This time, act like you're just his girlfriend, who has everything ahead in her relationship with their son!

At the table, it is advisable to try every dish and every time praise the sorceress who speaks so well! You shouldn’t say something to the water at this moment: “And my grandmother...”. Remember that anyone will be pleased to hear good feedback about their work!

At the end of dinner, offer to help clear the table, this will demonstrate that you are not lazy and are sensitive, and these are important qualities for creating relationships and family in the future.

When saying goodbye, thank them for such a pleasant time that you spent in their house, say that now you see that your boyfriend is so smart, polite, or something like that. If they tell you that they were glad to see you, you can rest assured that his parents liked you! This means that the first meeting with his mother was successful, and you did everything right! But try not to meet with his mother for at least a month, this will help cement a good image of you in her mind, and she will already be supportive even if something goes wrong during the next meetings.